One of those nights (Lots of links..)

A couple nights ago I came home with batteries for my camera.

Its an old Nikon FE, probably built in the 80's or late 70's. Its a pretty valuable cheap thing, respected but low grade.

I came home after shopping in the mall all day with my little sister and my girlfriend. Jeans and pajama's and sweaters later, I drove home, grabbed my bass and a bowl of dinner, and drove to the heart of downtown with Heather to play in the Remix - a new urban intensive outreach Mike Peace is running.

Worship was hot at the remix. God moved and spoke in the faithful way he does when you shut up, move over and let him.

Among the things I learned at the Remix were:

• Our spiritual maturity is measured by how willing we are to be used by God; how open we are to God. You can be a very old Christian and not be spiritually mature, while be a "baby Christian" and be very open to God, i.e. very mature in Christ.
  
• We are called to stand in the gap for our families, our friends, and our city.
  
• Its alright to question the things of God and be question, be secure anyways.

Ah, it was a great service. Homeless people, engaged couples, suburbs, thug, prep, all worshiping God. Quite a social scene, quite a glimpse of Heaven.

When I finally got home at about 1:30am, after country sweet chicken, I Love Lucy, and a cold front porch conversation, I put those batteries I bought for my camera in.

I only had 100 ISO film, so I could only shoot in very bright light. It was dark outside. It was 1:30am.

I didn't plan to take any pictures, really. It had already been a wonderful, long night. But while I was making hot cocoa I got inspired by the ingredients I was using: salt, vanilla extract, sugar, cocoa, and a brown tall ceramic mug to put them all into.

So I got that old Nikon FE out. I turned this funky bent clip light on that my dad uses to help him gut fish out in the sink and shone it on my ingredients. Then I just started taking long exposure pictures, balancing my camera on the kitchen counter and using the self timer so I wouldn't blur the pictures when I pressed the shutter release.

Sasha came by and sat on the edge of the sink, then lied down and fell asleep. I took many pictures of that fat gray cat of ours.

Then I at a quarter of a chocolate cake and fell asleep with my jeans on.

This is my winter vacation.

Discontent

The following passage is from an article written by Heather Coaster. She is a missionary in Bolivia who attatches herself to woman whos intractable poverty has lead them into the sex industry. Read the full article here, and the website its found is awesome.


It’s such a convenient conversation. Sure, it strikes me. I read the staggering numbers, attach the unfathomable data to a story just to make it personal, and the somatic injustice rises up in my throat or turns in my stomach or threatens to keep me from sleep. There’s a reminder again that things are not the way they’re supposed to be, that all is not quite right. Iam bothered by a sense somewhere between restlessness and calling. So I write essays and maybe even checks and I think about writing a letter to my Senator. I read the book or pick up the latest New York Times Magazine. Over a drink I discuss the theological, social and economic roots and implications. I pride myself in being aware. I appease my social conscience, thinking that my conversations and benefit dinners are all contributing to some global solution.

And maybe they are. God, I pray they are.

And I keep eating. I even end in dessert. I close the book, put a The End on the story, toss it all aside, pull the sheets back and climb into bed. There’s not much more I can do, not tonight. And lucky for me, I don’t have to. I have the unfathomable luxury of walking away, of signing off, of saying good night. While my conversations are coming to very neat, concise closes, she’s tucking her kids in, putting her shoes on and taking the rest off. The red glow of her night is on and she’s tossed from one set of dirty hands to another. There are rules in place, rules against going without protection, rules against sexual violence. But once her door closed, the only rule is his desire. She only knows that tomorrow her kids will again be hungry, and this is the cost of her love for them. Yes, it matters today. It matters tonight, because there are still six hours until morning. And while we can afford those six hours, she cannot.

If all I have to offer her is conversation, awareness, words, then yes, I will give the rest of my life to the talk. But its not. It can’t be. It’s not all I have and it’s not enough.

Stop pretending

------------There is no room for pretending in the spiritual life. Unfortunately, in many religious circles, there exists an unwritten rule. Pretend. Act like God is in control when you don't believe he is. Give the impression everything is okay in your life when it's not. Pretend you believe when you doubt; hide your imperfections; maintain the image of a perfect marriage with healthy and well-adjusted children when your family is like any other normal dysfunctional family. And whatever you do, don't admit that you sin.

------------Practically, pretending is efficient, uncomplicated, and quick. Answering "Fine" to the question "How are you doing?" is much easier and quicker than saying "Not very well, thank you; my back is bothering me, my teenage children are disappointing me, I'm unhappy with my body, my husband never speaks to me, and I'm wondering if Christianity is true." Honesty requires a huge investment of time and energy from the person asking the ques ion. (who would the wish they'd never asked).

------------Pretending is the grease of modern nonrelationships. Pretending perpetuates the illusion of relationships by connecting us on the basis of who we aren't. People who pretend have pretend relationships. But being real is a synonym for messy spirituality, because when we are real, our messiness is there for everyone to see.

------------Some people would consider the use of words like messy spirituality rude and audacious. "How dare you suggest that people are messy? What are you proposing? Are you suggesting that sin is okay, that we should condone less than a 100 percent effort to serve God? You are too negative. Its not helpful to emphasize our flaws."

------------But the truth is, we are a mess. None of us is who we appear to be. We all have secrets. We all have issues. We all struggle from time to time. No one is perfect. Not one. (I have just paraphrased Romans The essence of messy spirituality is the refusal to pretend, to lie, or to allow others to believe we are something we are not. Unfortunately, people can handle the most difficult issues more easily than they can handle the lack of pretending.

------------When you and I stop pretending, we expose the pretending of everyone else. The bubble of the perfect Christian life is burst, and we all must face the reality of our brokenness.

-messy spirituality, by Michael Yaconelli

oooo boy that is FIRE !!!!

I would add that in the face of human brokenness we are given an amazing gift of love, Jesus Christ. Figure it out yall!!

Pc and God bless

jhnylake@yahoo.com