Selfish

I think I need to work on being selfish. I think, often, that I am just the most selfish thing on the face of this grimy earth. Now please, don't try to argue with me on this one. A conviction is not a conviction if someone trys to convice one otherwise. I suppose this is not a real conviction, more like something that always needs to be worked on; a never ending work in progress. Sort of like Rochester, always construction, or a up and coming University, always some tore up side walk and a new building.
Yeah, im like a up and coming University.

Up and coming...look out.

So, in conclusion,

God help me with my selfish soul.

-_-

In other less moral news I did not do anything acedemic this entire weekend and I need someone to slap my wrist for that.

In other even less moral news the world outside of America is depsressing and needs lots of help.

In other less moral news human beings in general are currupt and need a savior.

In other... see, I am really trying to think of something to say that does not involve some sort of "personalized" set of standards, some sort of "individualistic" morals, but, I can't homie, I just can't. The fact that I can't maybe, in a small way, proves that there is no such thing as "personal" morals but one large standard that is written on the hearts of every human being. this is touchy and I won't get into detial, but CS Lewis's book Mere Christianity discusses it.

Again, touchy, but sometimes I think about it and it makes sense. =/

No personal morals only personal deviance from a greater standard.

How does it sound? I feel like im offending people...but I dont mind
=D

kuz why???

Yeah...thats why silly blind man, thats why.

Here is some news that involves no personal opinion what-so-ever, no personal beliefs, no individual opinion, this is free from all that, this is the bottom line...

everyone (including me) is broken, empty, and jaded in their own way and needs Jesus to come into their lives to fill our gaps, renew our strength, and purify our filthy bodys.

anddd thats fact =P

PS - So much, so much more...

Cats

I love studio Ghibli films. Hayao Miyazaki is a genius, no way around it. Anything he puts out I fall in love with, or maybe it is an intense form of "like". Well, he is good---real good.

Heres a short plot summary of a 15 minute movie he made called "Mizugumo Monmon".

Monmon, a water spider, one day meets a pond skater girl. Monmon falls in love with her. Will his love be ever fulfilled?

Come on! Amazing!

But my favorite movie by Ghibli is called The Cat Returns. I know just about every word to this movie. I know, this is a strange side of me that not alot of people know about. Heres some quotes from the the movie.


Haru: ... Moo-ta.
Muta: Moo? Are you saying Im a fat cow?
Haru: No! Youre just fat!

Baron: Always believe in yourself. Do this and no matter where you are, you will have nothing to fear.



You don't get much more amazing then that. If you don't believe me, go rent the movies.

life and its delinquencies

look and listen
you heavenly beings
a lost soul seeks not
yet constantly praying

lo and behold
it all came to naught
entrance takes faith
but not the thought

these people of earth
see beauty yet
its based on greed
and selfishness

too bad this place
is lost and cold
fitting precise
social molds

the tree is dead
the flower dry
hope is found only
in the night sky

the tree is dead
those stars unseen
ghosts of us
hurt and bleed

true and true
it never fails
the host of heaven
always prevails

too bad quite sad
a miserable scene
they fail to believe
in whats unseen

Sun and the Moon

Yo, mewithoutyou is a real real poetic band. They are amazing. Here is one of there songs called "Sun & the Moon" from there new album "Brother, Sister".


Daniel broke the king's decree,
Peter stepped from the ship to the sea
There was hope for Job like a cut down tree,
I only hope that there's such hope for me
dust be on my mind's conceptions
and anything I thought I knew
each word of my lips description,
and on all that I compare to You

the preference of the sun was
to the south side of the farm
I planted to the north in a terra-cotta pot
blind as I'd become, I used to wonder where you are
these days I can't find where you're not

mine's a yard, surface tending
foxes burrowed underground
my gardenings so self-recommended,
what could I have done but let you down?

the sun and the moon,
I want to see both worlds as One

mine's a story, dimly remembered
by the time it's told halfway true
of bad behavior well engendered
what good is each good thing we think we do?

find a friend and stay close and with a melting heart
tell them whatever you're most ashamed of
our parents have made so many mistakes,
but may we forgive them and forgive ourselves

the sun and the moon are my Father's eyes (x1,000)

dumb

dang people are dumb
dont read ppls blogs kuz ppl are dumb
then again
i must be the dumbest of them all
i sit her and blog about ppl who are dumb who blog
its like saying
people who eat cheesecake are dumb
and eating cheese cake while you say it
so in life
whenever i think someone is dumb
or not smart
i usually come to the conclusion
that i am dumber
or yet still
the dumbest

its so late/early that i hear alarms going off in other buildings

Lonely, lonely nights

I know, I know...
You’ve come to take me down.
I knew this would happen.

Relax,
Could it be you were meant for this?
Did you ever doubt it?

But if I cease to be,
What of all those lonely, lonely nights?
Your darkroom and your 8x10s?
And if I cease to be,
Who will you believe in anymore?
This world is such a bore.

Some lives
Have a way of colliding and blurring into headlines.
I’ve had
Dreams about this for years, you know.
(thought you would be taller.)

But if I cease to be,
What of all those lonely, lonely nights?
Your darkroom and your 8x10s?
And if I cease to be,
Who will you believe in anymore?
This world is such a bore.

Such a beautiful world,
What a beautiful lie.
Such a beautiful world,
What a beautiful lie.
Such a beautiful world,
What a beautiful,
A beautiful lie.

Maybe Im amazed at how real this is.
Thats why im not frightened.
Oh no, guess my times coming to an end.
You’ve taken your mask off.
Such a beautiful world,
What a beautiful lie.
Such a beautiful world,
What a beautiful lie.
Such a beautiful world,
What a beautiful,
A beautiful lie.

Earl King
prime New Orleans R&B artist from the 1950's/60's

Jude

24

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling,

And to present you faultless

Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,



25

To God our Savior,

Who alone is wise,

Be glory and majesty,

Dominion and power,

Both now and forever.

Amen.

I thought

I thought about this today.

I was reading first John, its a book in the Bible written by a guy named John. John was one of Jesus's 12 homies.

Well, I was reading the first chapter. It said that Jesus had no sin. It also said that the one who has Jesus inside of him does not commit sin.
But then I thought, come on Bible, we all sin. According to God's holy standards we all do sin and we are all going to hell.
Jesus also changed that of course, coming, doing that whole act of sacrifical love by dying on the cross and such.

So I thought, come on, we all sin.

So I wondered, who then actually has Jesus inside of them?

Then I thought, well goodness, ask and you shall recieve right, so we do have Jesus inside of us.

Then why do we sin? If we have a sinless Jesus inside of us, and those who love Jesus do not sin, then why do I sin?

Then I thought, no, wait John (me), you sin because although Jesus is inside of you, you just choose not to surrender those aspects of your life that you struggle with to Him.

I think surrendering those aspects to Him, somehow putting them in His hands, is how you Jesus becomes alive in you.

So I thought of Jesus for sure being inside of all of us who ask, but being trapped in some hearts, and free in other hearts.

It does make sense that if you allow a sinless Jesus to take control of your heart that you won't sin, that seems logical. He doesen't sin, so with him at the wheel, you don't sin. Makes sense.

This lead to yet another thought. If I do have Jesus in my heart, but I do not surrender to him my sinful acts, will I enter into heaven?

The Bible says those who fail to acknowledge God, God will in turn not acknowledge you when you go to heaven. That was a scary thought.

All who ask Jesus to come into their hearts with their mouths and believe Jesus is Lord are saved and they do have Jesus inside of them.

Yet if they choose not to acknowledge him they could still fail to enter into heaven.

If you are sinning, like continually, and you fail to surrender that sin to a sinless God, then failing to do so is a act of not acknowledging God. Like denying God's existance inside of you.

And though it is true you ask and you shall recieve, in the same principle you reap what you sow, and not acknowledging that you have a living and pure God living inside of you will lead you to Hell.

Also, don't go saying you are saved, you have Jesus, and then saying you don't believe in heaven or hell. Come one now.

a well balenced "gully" evening

Knamean

By John Barnabas Lake

Inspired by true events and the urban lifestyle that influences so many susceptible youth of this world.

Co-written by John's ghetto alter ego "JQ Skrilla aka So Hood aka Razzle J aka L'angsta aka JL the Kid-izzle who does not Mess-izzle a-rizzle" etc

Ok, this is my night homie, this what I plan to do after like typing on this computer knamean, kuz, I am more then just a typer, feel me, so, im about to get some food, probably a salad and maybe like some pizza, kuz I gotta stay healthy and fat, knamean, then some homework, probably like some sociology and some statistics knamean, and then like some phone calls knamean, knamean homes', then like maybe a little chillen, some star gazin, knamean, gotta stay poetically inspired, knamean, you knowwhatimsaying homie, then maybe I will write some fiction story about like the meaning of grass, knamean, gotta stay creative and innovative knamean, grass is deep feel me, then I might write a short symphony kuz, knamean, love that music stuff, knamean, then I might break some branches of trees, knamean, gotta keep my edge knamean, gotta stay tough n rough, knamean, gotta stay brolick n gully, feel me baby G, gotta maintain that with some branch breaking, knowwhatimsaying, then I will probably go to sleep, after like brushing my teeth like 4 times, kuz, knamean, gotta stay fresh n clean, knowwhatimsaying, hear me G, then I will most def sleep, after reading some fiction, some truth, and some non-fiction, knowwhatimsaying, gotta stay educated and spiritually filled, feel me, then I will grab like my teddy bear knamean, gotta stay sensitive, knamean, then I will close my eyes and sleep, knamean, peacefully knamean, without snoring, knamean, and wake up in the morning feeling alive and ready to face the day, knowwhatimsaying, you feel me, then, I will go to class, and this cycle might start again on the next night knamean, its life, on the reg, just staying as gull as possible knamean.

knamean


John would like to make note that his writing skills, i.e. his sentence structure is strongly influenced by his education in the urban city of Rochester New York where students get murdered (highest homicide rate in NY), and teachers get fired for financial reasons (20 million gap in 2003), and children dropout (about one in two children), and experience other things like pregnancy and fatherless and/or motherless family structures.

John is too blood though, he can make it on the streets, he just has to do what he has to do, aint no one gona stop him, shoot, knamean, he is blood, he is so hood, knamean, he aint takin no advice from no one, knamean, kuz he got this, feel me, he got this under wraps, knamean, hustlin is a way a life, knamean, get rich or die trying, knamean, but he gona make it, aight, signing out, be easy

knamean

Yes

i do not have a car but i dont feel the pain
i walk real slow in the snow and the rain
to chicago and wells and i step on the train
everybody's loud, im lost in the crowd
97 people i know not one name
i look out the window, my thoughts unrestrained
God, its rather plain what i want in this life
to rap with my kids and swing dance with my wife

-tapwater, "passion"






And into every state, every country of late
No matter where you go, we all chase the same fate
Slated from failure, plated for jail
Hell is waiting, ride inside
Seven-Eleven to trail yeah
Home, I need a real home to rest
Cause I'm sick of slipping in the darkness

-pigeon john, "draw me closer"

-
-
-
T h e r a i n h e l p e d . . .
-
-
-
-

celestial

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun.
-W.H. Auden, "Song"

-

-

-

-

-

---

This is thy hour O soul, thy free flight into the wordless,
Away from the books, away from the art, the day erased, the lesson learned
Thee fully forth emerging, silent, gazing, pondering thethemes thou lovest best,
Night, sleep, death and the stars.
-Walt Whitman, "A Clear Midnight"

---

-

-

-

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
-William Shakespeare, "Sonnet 130"

My own lake