well..

Awesome

Used without permission from the wonderful http://www.supportstructure.org/

Assembly!

ASSEMBLY DISTRICT 131 For decades, Democrats have controlled the Assembly, and the mapmaking for their own house. That is why the district for Democrat Susan John in the Rochester area looks a little like a teapot. The bulk of her district is in the suburbs, prime Republican territory, but to keep Ms. John in office, the mapmakers added what looks like a curl of steam that runs through the most Democratic areas of Rochester. Without it, Ms. John’s seat could easily turn Republican.

Nasty Nippers

Nipped on the nose by nasty nippers. Was this the result of your last confrontation with a Murray cray? If so, and if you still want to observe the finer details of this magnificent creature, from a safe distance—not more than half a nose away—you can at the John Lake Centre.

food

we pay for our huge portions
pay cheap at wal-mart
or expensive with wine
then we pay for
appetite reducers
and anti craving pills

and the rest of the world

oh who cares about the rest, really?
every second one dies
one hundred thousand a day
while we eat and throw up
in our own little way

...

. . .there are limits to the power of the will. The will knows about survival and endurance; it can direct attention and energy; it can finish things. But we cannot remember a tune or a dream on willpower. . . The will by itself cannot heal the soul. And it cannot create.

-Lewis Hyde


I think we all create.

No?

har har

I would like to have the men of Heaven
In my own house:
With vats of good cheer
laid out for them.

I would like to have the three Marys,
Their fame is so great.
I would like people
From every corner of Heaven.

I would like them to be cheerful
In their drinking.
I would like to have Jesus too
Here amongst them.

I would like a great lake of beer
For the King of Kings,
I would like to be watching Heaven’s family
Drinking it through all eternity.

Celtic poem from 10th century Ireland, as seen

Broken

Two weeks ago was my first time working with Grand Central Food Program. I went on a van route throughout Bronx and at designated stops, got out and passed out food to the people waiting. Young, old, white, black, latino, proud and humble all came.

We underestimate the extent of the real

-Steve Paxton, initiator of the contact improvisation dance movement

Handing out oranges, chicken noodle soup in a styrofoam container, mini-cartons of milk, and a random bagel or danish was my only way of being close to these people. It was through an act of charity. As I look back and try to remember those faces and eyes, I feel as though I am trying to remember Jesus himself. The hungry, un-sheltered, young and old, language impaired, beautiful people. Who else was Jesus? Who else did Jesus spend time with?

Why, I must ask, did I only now at the age of 20 come into close contact with these people? And why for such a fleeting moment. Where in the world can I find Jesus again?

I remember Jesus said, this is my body broken for you, and this is my blood. Then, he broke the bread and probably passed it around telling people to eat it. Jesus wanted us to eat and drink and remember him, a broken bloody body who loves us. I hope I never forget Jesus as I pass out food to my fellow broken and weary brothers and sisters. From my broken hands to their broken mouths, in remembrance of a broken Jesus. Deep to deep, glory to glory. Hallelujah.

Some Christians curse

If your poor, praise God! Jesus was poor, what a perfect condition to be the hands and feet of Jesus.
If your rich, praise God! Jesus was rich in heaven, until he forsake his heavenly riches to save our souls. What a wonderful example to follow.
If your sick, abused, tortured, raped, addicted, depressed, praise God and praise God! Jesus fucking died for our souls and you are very much alive.
I tell you, if your hearing my voice right now Jesus can be alive in you and you can fully live. If your hearing my voice you can be the hands and feet of Jesus.
Praise God for life, but do we ever live it?

========================================

We always try to create our own little heavn-on-earths. Comfort, joy, happiness, exhilaration, prosperity, security, wealth, health, inner, selfish, pride. What ever happened to that verse about rejoicing in our suffering? If we believed in heaven at all we would live much more reckless lives. I think if we had any faith in God at all we would lock our doors less, hold onto our cell phones and laptops less, buy less clothes, care less about our own well being and our own appearances and care more about the lives of others. We wouldn’t care because we would have so much more in heaven. We can have heaven on earth I believe, but not by caring for ourselves. Not by looking outward. Because Jesus did nothing of the sort for us, we should do nothing of the sort period. Jesus hung on a cross.

radical social action

"There is both continuity with the old and significant redirection into new and, I would say, more enlightening paths that are built around what the African American philosopher, Cornel West, describes as 'creative responses to the precise circumstances of our present moment', a 'new cultural politics of difference' aimed at empowering and enabling radical social action."
-Edward W. SOJA

कैन इ?

can i?

peer at a demon

peel back my mask
to peer at a demon
a faceless being
exists further then feeling

or maybe coexists
constant state of flux
this mirage helps me face
a world with no luck

i'll peel back my face
and ask it a question
i have been here before man
but a different sort of passion

passion asking for
relentless dedication
maybe if my demon was hiding
i could find some meaning

i take off my mask
take off my mask
peel back this mask
peel back my mask

pain rain and struggle
bring in the light

I have decided

Oh to blog, to blog again.

But I think I will continue blogging, or start blogging again. A lot has happened since my last post which I think was just some random memory like poems, and I have a lot to say. So, electronically, via the internet and my 4 year old powerbook, I will start blogging again.

I have decided something though, I will blog about absolutely whatever I want.

I have to face the fact eventually that I am horribly disorganized and will never have individual blogs for my individual interests.

With that, im going to fetch a ride to Church with my pop, steal my mom's car from her sushi dinner meeting, and read a old book in cafe corner. Then, somehow, grab my bike from work and ride it home, maybe stuff it in the car.

My room is a mess and my head feels the same. Everywhere, scrambled. Tomorrow will be a little more clear.

It rained icy cold rain today. I ate three bagels.

-john

PS - wrote this a while ago, finally posted it because I cannot post from my laptop.

Italy! Where are you?

Left field

Some things happen

Reactions follow

When does your character change?

When does it actually hit home?

-----

And I think its going to rain today

-----

this is just wack
we skip stones with energy
this should be easy
-----
Tuesday came and went
Tomorrow I renew vows
Or maybe the next
-----
Easy come, hard to go
Like a long drawn out rain
That encompasses it all
-----
No if's, and's, or but's
Thats just not how it works
Hope always dies last

Obama quote

Is Barack the one we have been waiting for? Or is it the other way around? Are we the people we have been waiting for? Barack Obama is giving voice and space to an awakening beyond his wildest expectations, a social force that may lead him far beyond his modest policy agenda.

— Tom Hayden, endorsing the Obama Movement

Poem

NOTHING IS AS IT SEEMS
by Courtney Druz

Courtney Druz is a Jewish poet, mother, and former architect now living in New Jersey. Her poems have appeared in several publications including the current issue of Entelechy: Mind & Culture. She holds a BA in religious studies from Brown University and a MArch from the University of Pennsylvania.

It matters that this is true:
that pushing the stroller up the hill,
filled with sleeping boy and girl,
I thought about my muscles and
didn’t see the sky like smoke
at four o’clock, the drying trees
like black veins in the gray.

It matters that I thought
about my boots, that they were good,
and didn’t hear the red-eyed cars
rushing like wind, their terrible trumpets,
then the whisper of leaves.

All I saw, all at once,
black letters
stenciled on the pavement like a cut into stone,
the black showing through from a great distance:
NOTHING IS AS IT SEEMS

Float

float

float, said the man

the world spurns failure
a latent truth


while the man told me to float

Apathy

We may have found a cure for most evils; but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -- the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller

Most human beings have an infinite capacity for taking things for granted. - Aldous Huxley

The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it. - Albert Einstein

Every difficulty slurred over will be a ghost to disturb your repose later on. - Frederic Chopin

Mourn not the dead that in the cool earth lie, but rather mourn the apathetic, throng the coward and the meek who see the world's great anguish and its wrong, and dare not speak. - Ralph Chaplin

I have a very strong feeling that the opposite of love is not hate -- it's apathy. It's not giving a damn. - Leo Buscaglia

I don't know, I don't care, and it doesn't make any difference! - Jack Kerouac

Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins. - James 4/17

Why

Why are their twelve months? Why not two big months? Or 52 small ones? Why weeks for that matter?

What about 24 hour days?

Why can't man rebel against the scorch of the sun and the cool of the moon, and live in a rebellious 33 hour day? I could use the extra hours... Then we go to work at night sometimes, and at day sometimes. We see the sunrise more often. There is no such thing as an overnight job really, because some of the time it would be during the.

We will ever be dictated by Gods hand; by the seasons, the sun, and the moon. By 24 hour body cycles. It is the way the designer created us. It could not be random.

Ah

So im still in the deciding process of what blogs to scrap and which ones to continue. This blog will for sure stay the way it is. I want to do some side blogs, photography maybe, sociology? Theology? Any ideas?

hmm..

World news. Politics. Goodness, maybe I should start by just updating this more often.

Today was cold and windy. I walked by the Anna river in the same clothes I wore yesterday; the same clothes I fell asleep in.

I drank coffee very quickly this morning.

There was a bit of nudity in class today, more then usual. In fashion nudity is just the way to be I suppose. Cosimo, the professor showed 3 or 4 slide shows, so much nudity. Fine art nudity, as they call it. Its not vulgar, Cosimo always points out.

I get angry and confused sometimes.

I get overwhelmed sometimes.

I think june bugs just need more time to themselves...just the little junebugs and a guitar perhaps. Singing to the swaying grass...why can't life be like that?

-john

Shadow of Death

Back to blogging..

So I am in Italy, I have a lot to write about regarding Italy, and a lot to write about in genereal. Im going to reformat this blog and my other ones, and maybe start some joint ones with more dedicated bloggers. I miss all my friends and family.

God is still good and very faithful.

I wrote this in response to a post on my facebook wall by Cat. Thanks Cat.

Seek God





I am completely formatted in a way that needs Jesus. My heart simply pulsates in desperation of the Spirit of God. I can't imagine life without Jesus. My heart needs Jesus, my bones need Jesus; all I am is entangled with Christ. For some reason, God looks down at us with undying love, and I can do nothing but bask in this love and return in my feeble ways.

God is God, treat Him as such.

So Here I Am

Getting closer each day...

Oh!

Im in Italy

Im in Italy

Im in Italy

One of those nights (Lots of links..)

A couple nights ago I came home with batteries for my camera.

Its an old Nikon FE, probably built in the 80's or late 70's. Its a pretty valuable cheap thing, respected but low grade.

I came home after shopping in the mall all day with my little sister and my girlfriend. Jeans and pajama's and sweaters later, I drove home, grabbed my bass and a bowl of dinner, and drove to the heart of downtown with Heather to play in the Remix - a new urban intensive outreach Mike Peace is running.

Worship was hot at the remix. God moved and spoke in the faithful way he does when you shut up, move over and let him.

Among the things I learned at the Remix were:

• Our spiritual maturity is measured by how willing we are to be used by God; how open we are to God. You can be a very old Christian and not be spiritually mature, while be a "baby Christian" and be very open to God, i.e. very mature in Christ.
  
• We are called to stand in the gap for our families, our friends, and our city.
  
• Its alright to question the things of God and be question, be secure anyways.

Ah, it was a great service. Homeless people, engaged couples, suburbs, thug, prep, all worshiping God. Quite a social scene, quite a glimpse of Heaven.

When I finally got home at about 1:30am, after country sweet chicken, I Love Lucy, and a cold front porch conversation, I put those batteries I bought for my camera in.

I only had 100 ISO film, so I could only shoot in very bright light. It was dark outside. It was 1:30am.

I didn't plan to take any pictures, really. It had already been a wonderful, long night. But while I was making hot cocoa I got inspired by the ingredients I was using: salt, vanilla extract, sugar, cocoa, and a brown tall ceramic mug to put them all into.

So I got that old Nikon FE out. I turned this funky bent clip light on that my dad uses to help him gut fish out in the sink and shone it on my ingredients. Then I just started taking long exposure pictures, balancing my camera on the kitchen counter and using the self timer so I wouldn't blur the pictures when I pressed the shutter release.

Sasha came by and sat on the edge of the sink, then lied down and fell asleep. I took many pictures of that fat gray cat of ours.

Then I at a quarter of a chocolate cake and fell asleep with my jeans on.

This is my winter vacation.

Rwanda

Sudan

finally we are no one




-mum

Hey

So I helped Pegacide with a show last night. The band is comprised of 4 members, a synth/noise machine, a guitar, an electric violin, and a drummer. Today they had our friend Andrew Henry helping on the viola.

The show started with Joel killing the synth/noise. Really nuts intelligent stuff. Then the rest of the band came up, except the drummer.

The music built up pretty well and the drummer, who was my brother Tom, came out in a cardboard robot suite.

When the music sort of changed paced I came out of the crowd and grabbed a snare drum, a bass tom, and a ride cymbal and put them in front of the stage side by side. Then me and two of my friends got on our knee's and rocked out on these percussion instruments.

At one point I thought my arms were going to fall off from playing so hard and loud.

Eventually we stopped.

The whole set ended up being one big 35 minute song.

New Blog

Hey I have a new blog up for college students,

Check it out

www.christconnections.blogspot.com

Check out the first post to see how it operates

Thanks!

-john lake

Tears fell on your feet

Been a long time comin'

Hey im just posting on this blog because I want to do so more often...I have like a million blogs right now and this one I want to use for more personal reflection...not TOO personal, because that gets creepy...



Hey, so how about that guy Barak Obama? Im big on him and I have never been so involved in politics in all my life. I want ALL you guys to go do some dang research and vote the FACE off of Obama.



Obama '08 baby



I like his answer to Christianity and politics in the Yahoo Democrat Debate (Click on "Obama", then on "Bill Maher Grill")



I love anything he says on education, which is big for me.



I like his view on immigration, which seems to be a big deal right now.



And I just like his general optimism and enthusiasm. Goodness, I could write about him all day...but I wont. Not until he pays me or something...shoot.


I need Jesus, dang

Discontent

The following passage is from an article written by Heather Coaster. She is a missionary in Bolivia who attatches herself to woman whos intractable poverty has lead them into the sex industry. Read the full article here, and the website its found is awesome.


It’s such a convenient conversation. Sure, it strikes me. I read the staggering numbers, attach the unfathomable data to a story just to make it personal, and the somatic injustice rises up in my throat or turns in my stomach or threatens to keep me from sleep. There’s a reminder again that things are not the way they’re supposed to be, that all is not quite right. Iam bothered by a sense somewhere between restlessness and calling. So I write essays and maybe even checks and I think about writing a letter to my Senator. I read the book or pick up the latest New York Times Magazine. Over a drink I discuss the theological, social and economic roots and implications. I pride myself in being aware. I appease my social conscience, thinking that my conversations and benefit dinners are all contributing to some global solution.

And maybe they are. God, I pray they are.

And I keep eating. I even end in dessert. I close the book, put a The End on the story, toss it all aside, pull the sheets back and climb into bed. There’s not much more I can do, not tonight. And lucky for me, I don’t have to. I have the unfathomable luxury of walking away, of signing off, of saying good night. While my conversations are coming to very neat, concise closes, she’s tucking her kids in, putting her shoes on and taking the rest off. The red glow of her night is on and she’s tossed from one set of dirty hands to another. There are rules in place, rules against going without protection, rules against sexual violence. But once her door closed, the only rule is his desire. She only knows that tomorrow her kids will again be hungry, and this is the cost of her love for them. Yes, it matters today. It matters tonight, because there are still six hours until morning. And while we can afford those six hours, she cannot.

If all I have to offer her is conversation, awareness, words, then yes, I will give the rest of my life to the talk. But its not. It can’t be. It’s not all I have and it’s not enough.

The Moon and You

The moon and you appear to be

So near and yet so far from me

And here am I on a night in june

Reaching for the moon and you,




I wonder if well ever meet

My song of love is incomplete

Im just the words, looking for the tune

Reaching for the moon and you.


(instrumental interlude)


Im just the words, looking for the tune

Reaching for the moon and you.


-Ella Fitzgerald

-
The moon and you appear to be
-
So near and yet so far from me
-
And here am I on a night in june
-
Reaching for the moon and you,
-
-
-
-
I wonder if well ever meet
-
My song of love is incomplete
-
Im just the words, looking for the tune
-
Reaching for the moon and you.
-
-
(instrumental interlude)
-
-
Im just the words, looking for the tune
-
Reaching for the moon and you.
-
-
-

Im not ready for anything beautiful

Im not ready for anything beautiful

I looked around, the world today

Inside me I found nothing pleasing

I looked inside, the people today

Emptiness abound, nothing enticing

Not a thing enticing

Apathy is not the word for me

I care much for humanity

Yet apathy is not strange to me

Because I look at it in the mirror, perhaps daily

Yes I must look daily

I searched inside myself today

I was not pleased, so I released my past

I searched inside for myself today

I saw something false, so I took of the mask

I took off my mask

Now apathy is a form of reality

So I tighten my gloves, look at it straight

Apathy is somewhat like love, you see

You must fight it long, and win

Fight it long and win

I realized that hope was real today

I grasped the wind and held on strong

I realized I needed to hope today

I felt it come and lift me home

Let it come lift you home

Im not ready for anything beautiful

So that long dull drone

Beat something in my soul

That told me I was wrong

That told me I was wrong

I thought some things

That never really could fit in

I knew that I was wrong

I knew that I was wrong

And the last last time

That I took a look behind

I dropped dead, I don’t want to drop dead

I stopped looking, inside today

I let the one who formed belong

I opened up, and wider still

I stopped looking

He is beautiful

So I fight it long and win

Love

My Declaration

The logic is, that studying the material for a given course increases your chances of getting a good grade in the class, or in this case the final exam. The thing is that most students, including my most of the time, fail to study consistently throughout the school year, and end up frantically studying at the end of the year, to get a good grade on the final exam, which seems to always end up being a large proportion of your grade.

This leads me to believe that the school system wants us to frantically study at the end of the year, wants us to lose sleep and to be stressed, because it is as if the whole school braces and prepares for it, and the proportion the final exam is to the final grade seems to clearly reflect this idea. If this was not the case the proportion of the grade would not be so steep and the school faculty would treat these final days leading to finals more appropriately.

Hence, in an act of rebellion to the state of affairs of the common people here at Stony Brook University, in an single act of defiance, in a bold and daring move against the institutionalized robot students who fit mediocre molds of what society tells them to be, I, John Lake, am going to take a nap, fall asleep that is, and not study, not prepare for these final exams that you taunt me with, because you know what Stony Brook, im sleepy.

This place dislocates everything.





...not dreaming something she was supposed to be dreaming.





-Tar Baby, Toni Morrison

New studies are revealing impressive health benefits of coffee.

You thought coffee was bad for you? Actually, it seems to protect against all sorts of ills, from diabetes to liver cancer.

Coffeemanics, rejoice! The lively substance has now been given a clean bill of health by ... well, everyone...

Plenty of health benefits are brewing in America's beloved beverage.

Health Benefits of Coffee

Now you can fill your coffee cup each morning, guilt-free.

Study affirmed coffee's benefits for its high level of antioxidants.
Researchers from the University of Scranton released on August 29, 2005 that coffee is the No. 1 source of antioxidants in the American diet. Black tea is the second.

Me and You

Im a selfish, lazy, irresponsible, apathetic, unmotivated, regretful, cheating, free lancing, prideful, hating, judging, lying, scandalous, sly, devious, undisciplined, oblivious, greedy, immoral, boring, skittish, delinquent, careless, insensitive, inconsiderate, impatient, sluggish, rash, ignorant, foolish, wicked, lax, stupid, imprudent, and bratty swine.

Jesus is kind, patient, forgiving, passionate, peaceful, encouraging, teaching, helpful, reliable, faithful, powerful, wise, caring, loving, lovely, amazing, close, compassionate, merciful, good, truthful, understanding, gracious, sacrificial, pursuing, holy, moving, speaking, healing, life giving, unwearied, famous, strong, potent, intimate, extravagant, indescribable, uplifting, comforting, beautiful, undeniable, glorified, blessed, gracious, noble, liberating, sanctifying, worthy, the savior of my soul, and the son of God.

holla

Renewal

If I were not a Christian I would probably curse; a lot. I know this because I often say words like crap, and dang, and I say them for no good reasons, to be honest. I don’t know exactly why I don’t curse now, except the obvious reason that Jesus changes people, like really changes them.

But cursing is not an issue for me. Rarely even a thought, unless I have seen some movie that frequents the words. I guess it serves no purpose when your mind chooses not to operate in that manner. I can understand the uses of curse words if your mindset is built in a way that requires cursing to express how they feel. But I don’t believe its necessary, its chosen.

Our mindsets also seem so malleable, so young and naive, so easily influenced by media, by our friends, our families, our peers, or just the common culture. As much as we would like to think it, we are not islands, we are not individual fortresses, and we cannot live in this world alone. We need other people. We are constantly exchanging information; constantly communicating. We rub off on people and people rub off on us. Were all connected to some extent.

God is love. By his love, by Jesus’s death and resurrection we are able to die to our old nature, our nastiness, our corrupt and influenced minds, and come alive to the mind of Christ.

Jesus can transform our minds and our lives if we just ask and believe. Give him a little and you get a lot.

I encourage you, renew your mind.

Soledad, by Robert Hayden

(And I, I am no longer of that world)

Naked, he lies in the blinded room
chainsmoking, cradled by drugs, by jazz
as never by any lover's cradling flesh.

Miles Davis coolly blows for him:
O pena negra, sensual Flamenco blues;
the red clay foxfire voice of Lady Day

(lady of the pure black magnolias)
sobsings her sorrow and loss and fare you well,
dryweeps the pain his treacherous jailers

have released him from for a while.
His fears and his unfinished self
await him down in the anywhere streets.

He hides on the dark side of the moon,
takes refuge in a stained-glass cell,
flies to a clockless country of crystal.

Only the ghost of Lady Day knows where
he is. Only the music. And he swings
oh swings: beyond complete immortal now.


-Robert Hayden

Dreams move the wind

The moon

Sometimes looking up at the stars I get depressed.

They seem to be in such a sad state, shining yes, but never really finding themselves in the vast void of black.

Yet when I look to the moon I find hope for the stars, hope for man.

The moon seems to set the stars in place, every one of us.

All so appropriate.

It sets the standard of beauty while extracting beauty out of this myriad of lesser lights.

This lesser light.

The moon tells us calmly, don't worry; you don't have to be great, im already everything for you.

The moon.

Like a big blue lighthouse, like a teacher; a friend.

The moon.

The moon.

The moon,

and me.

Sometimes it takes a rainy day

Just to let you know

Everything's gonna be all right

All right

When you open up your life to the living

All things come spilling in on you

And you're flowing like a river

The changer and the changed

You've got to spill some over, over all

Filling up and spilling over

It's an endless waterfall

Filling up and spilling over, over all

Like the rain falling on the ground

Like the rain falling all around.

- Cris Williamson

Stop pretending

------------There is no room for pretending in the spiritual life. Unfortunately, in many religious circles, there exists an unwritten rule. Pretend. Act like God is in control when you don't believe he is. Give the impression everything is okay in your life when it's not. Pretend you believe when you doubt; hide your imperfections; maintain the image of a perfect marriage with healthy and well-adjusted children when your family is like any other normal dysfunctional family. And whatever you do, don't admit that you sin.

------------Practically, pretending is efficient, uncomplicated, and quick. Answering "Fine" to the question "How are you doing?" is much easier and quicker than saying "Not very well, thank you; my back is bothering me, my teenage children are disappointing me, I'm unhappy with my body, my husband never speaks to me, and I'm wondering if Christianity is true." Honesty requires a huge investment of time and energy from the person asking the ques ion. (who would the wish they'd never asked).

------------Pretending is the grease of modern nonrelationships. Pretending perpetuates the illusion of relationships by connecting us on the basis of who we aren't. People who pretend have pretend relationships. But being real is a synonym for messy spirituality, because when we are real, our messiness is there for everyone to see.

------------Some people would consider the use of words like messy spirituality rude and audacious. "How dare you suggest that people are messy? What are you proposing? Are you suggesting that sin is okay, that we should condone less than a 100 percent effort to serve God? You are too negative. Its not helpful to emphasize our flaws."

------------But the truth is, we are a mess. None of us is who we appear to be. We all have secrets. We all have issues. We all struggle from time to time. No one is perfect. Not one. (I have just paraphrased Romans The essence of messy spirituality is the refusal to pretend, to lie, or to allow others to believe we are something we are not. Unfortunately, people can handle the most difficult issues more easily than they can handle the lack of pretending.

------------When you and I stop pretending, we expose the pretending of everyone else. The bubble of the perfect Christian life is burst, and we all must face the reality of our brokenness.

-messy spirituality, by Michael Yaconelli

oooo boy that is FIRE !!!!

I would add that in the face of human brokenness we are given an amazing gift of love, Jesus Christ. Figure it out yall!!

Pc and God bless

jhnylake@yahoo.com

We’re going to Kentucky, we’re going to the fair,
To see the senioritas with flowers in their hair,
So shake it baby, shake it! Shake it up and down,
Shake it like a milkshake and shake it like a clown.
Rumble to the bottom, rumble to the top,
Turn around, turn around, turn around and stop!

This land

And this land screamed for centuries that we are bestial brutes; that the human pulse stops at the gates of the slave compound; that we are walking compost hideously promising tender cane and silky cotton and they would brand us with red-hot irons and we would sleep in our excrement and they would sell us on the town square and an ell of English cloth and salted meat from Ireland cost less than we did, and this land was calm, tranquil, repeating that the spirit of the Lord was in its acts.

-Aime Cesaire
Cahier d'un Retour au Pays Natal

why hello

Hey

This is just an update, I seem to have been slacking as far as this whole blog this goes.
I would love to say im going to blog more often from now on, I would love to make some great weekly commitment to this blog, but im not sure if thats going to happen for I know myself quite well.

I have been wondering though to what extent I actually know myself. I accept the fact that God, being my creator, knows me more then I know myself. I know that. He knows my crooked heart, he knows my devious ways, he knows my inmost being.

Looking at my actions and thoughts subjectively helps me understand the way I think. Almost like im my own lab patient or something, and I test my beliefs on myself. Not a bad thing at all, I don't think, its good to make sure your applying what you believe to yourself before telling it to others. Or else you are being a hypocrite I believe.

But in other ways I do not even attempt to know myself. I let other people make those judgments. Im not talking about in moral ways but more in outward ways, my appearance, my attitude, that sort of stuff.

I am huge proponent of being you.

There is some line from some song or a poem or some something that goes...

its all in the attitude
be who you want to be
express your
individuality

its sort of a bouncy and fast hip-hop poppy jam, maybe i just made this up in the shower or something, who knows...

But I certainly believe in being ones self. Discovering who that person is, discovering your loves, your passions, your interests, your talents, your beautiful uniqueness and not running from those things.

Im a big anti-conformity sort of person as well. I really marvel at my beautiful little brothers and sisters with all those piercings all over their face and other body parts...Some of those beautiful people have died hair. I like the people that wear women's clothing as well, I think that's quite brave. I admire that. I really do.

I saw this one guy who was wearing Uptowns (Nike 80$) and he had two plastic bags over each of them and was walking around campus like that. Because it was raining. I did not admire that. I really did not. That was sort of wack, I mean, come on man. There are better ways to get attention. I hope hes not reading this...

I like the boys who wear shirts that you can see their belly buttons, but their not gay. Thats crazy son... How do people do that? Its amazing...

Im sort of a "take back the gay look from gay people" kind of guy too. Like the rainbow thing, I like rainbows man, but im sort of upset that they have to represent homosexuality. I don't really have a issue with it, i just wish I could sport it with out being judged accordingly. Why cant they have like a purple and green theme? I think that's better...but im not here to tell you how do be gay. No sir. Not me.

Im also, believe it or not, a big "dont be so homophobic you idiot" sort of guy. I think a lot of times people have these uncomfortable feelings towards homosexuals, more so in men, because they are not confident of their own masculinity. I know that is true with many of my friends. Your not gay, the other guy is gay, why cant we all just be friends?

I guess it is sort of uncomfortable to be hit on by another guy...

Well perhaps I will get into that in a later post.

This one time I was in a coffee house called Javas and I was with my two close friends, JJ and Phil, and we are all straight kind of guys. We were talking to a big crowd of artsy, coffee drinking, philosophy addicted, radical, life changing, cool, cloudy kind of people. JJ was making these paper flowers out of news paper. I muts admit, they were pretty cool looking. He might of been showing off but they were pretty darn cool looking.

A friend of mine walked in and we said hello and she went to sit with her respected crowd of cool artsy, stylish, and loud friends. One of these loud friends from my friends table was obviously gay. You could tell my the remarks, and the hair, and the voice, you know, that gay thing was certianly going on. So my friend made this special newspaper flower just for him. Then he stepped right up to him and gave it to him.

It was a beautiful moment.

Gay people have wonderful smiles. JJ has a pretty nice smile as well. All these smiles.

Why can't we have more smiles?

I hope I don't judge them unrightfully, I am getting better in these sort of dealings.

Well

I should get going.

These opinions are not solidified and could change and improve and be denied and be argued and discussed at any moment in time. Im open for discussion and debate. Especially through this whole facebook message thing or email.

Aight much love my family

Thank you for reading

-j

Freestyle

ok...its freestyle poem time
I only have 3 minutes..so here I go..

A goose drawn figure, alone in literature
Mistaken for love so it took flight into the glow
Left her alone, quiet but not still
Unrest is not so pleasent

No shiny white Hosea arose I fear
To sweep a harlot of her feet
The gentle wind was taunting, a scream
Life was not that easy

The trees never left the side of her bed
The sea never looked so divinely inviting
Worlds collide in her inside
Tomorow is another wind



ACK that was 4 minutes, sorry guys...gotta run, pc!!!!

Crooked Heart

'O stand, stand at the window
As the tears scald and start;
You shall love your crooked neighbour
With your crooked heart.'

It was late, late in the evening,
The lovers they were gone;
The clocks had ceased their chiming,
And the deep river ran on.

W.H. AUDEN, "As I Walked Out One Evening"

May God bless you with discomfort
At easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships
So that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger
At injustice, oppression and exploitation of people
So that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears
To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger, and war
So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them
And turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness
To believe that you can make a difference in the world,
So that you can do what others claim cannot be done
To bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.



This poem is a Franciscan Benediction found in Phillip Yancey’s book Prayer. I read it and I start burning inside. My heart boils over as I experience a holy anger at the complacence in my own life and in the Christian community. There must be more. This can’t be it…

We seem to easily forget, but Jesus invites us all into uncomfortable places. He invites us into places of pain, suffering and anger. He invites us into frustration and He awakens our heart so that we may begin to feel what He feels for this world.

When this happens, we have a choice; to harden our hearts or to pursue Christ. We can either make it about us again, continuing to chug along with a meaningless self-centred existence, or we can turn off the TV, get off the couch, kick our apathy, and start trying to do something, anything, that will bring about change.

It is in these moments that the baggage that we hold so tightly to and our desires for fame and fortune fade into obscurity. All of a sudden our future, our time, our talents, must be used to make a difference in this world. In one sense we are ruined, on another we have never being more alive.

In the midst of this moment, Jesus calls us to have the courage to sit with doubt, questions, and disappointment, and to wrestle with what it really means to follow Him. I would strongly argue that Jesus is disgusted with how much of our energy is actually spent outworking Christian culture, which looks so different from the Jesus culture of the gospels. I believe that Jesus is disinterested in our culture, but incredibly passionate about our hearts. And when it is our hearts that count, it doesn’t matter what we look like, or how we act, because Jesus will accept us as we are, meaning we can throw off the masks, empty rituals and fluff that we so easily heap on our Christian subculture.

So I encourage you to re-read the benediction and to make it a prayer. A personal moment with you and God, where you invite Him to bless you with discomfort, anger, tears, and foolishness to believe you can make a difference. That is, not to build our own little empire, but to build the Kingdom of God. Not to build our fame, but to build His.

And be warned, it is a wonderfully dangerous prayer to pray.
-Sam Harvey

"I'm glad God gave me knees, because when I'm on them praying, it just reinforces how much I need Him."

-Jeanette Sieber

Starling

Extremely old sycamore trees tend to be very hallow on the inside. Mass numbers of starlings can nest inside these trees. The sound of them coming up out of the tree every morning has been compared to thunder or a train or lightning.

Faithful

Here is a trustworthy saying:
If we died with him,
we will also live with him;
if we endure,
we will also reign with him.
If we disown him,
he will also disown us;
if we are faithless,
he will remain faithful,
for he cannot disown himself.

-2 timothy 2:11-13

fly by me

fly by me fast
alone, alive, and synchronized
be me the one to see
chronically

faces fade always
its true with eyes two, inside
poised and ready and let go
atrocity

hold: its heat
burns, breaks; an intake
quenches pain; sustains
belligerency

inside attempt lost
wishful thinking. cute
came knew left how shows
interdependence

Lets see

Oh man, it’s been one of those weeks. But were not going to talk about that. I just wanted to post for the sake of sharing very airy, impersonal thoughts on life, not particularly my life though.

Let’s talk about a different life. The life of Jesus. Whats up with this guy? What was he talking about? Does anyone care to know? Anyone care to find out? I dare you to get messy, ask questions, and defy commonalities. Sorry, sometimes I make up words, commonalities probably isn’t a word. How about, defy the norm or defy conformity, something of that nature.

Im still trying to grasp the idea of Jesus, I will always be trying in a way, and always be content in another way. There are some things with Christianity I doubt and some things I am very, very certain about. Certain because they are undeniably true, indeed these things simple are. They just are. I am often attempting to accept them as true. But these things are true and the whole thing in life is just accepting them.

Just accepting Him

So I suppose I could say that in my inner man, I know Jesus is real and alive inside of me. I think its true beyond a shadow of a doubt, yet my mortal attitude questions it, the influences of the world try to disprove it, and my carnal soul often falls prey to lies, idolatry, and stupidity. Yet every one of my questions get answered, but not in this mortal format im used to. Not this answer format that school has taught me, or that organized religion has even taught me. It’s nothing close to being formulaic. It’s the other stuff, the other answers, you could say the universal answers, or the conscientious answers, or, shoot, the universally conscientious answers, and because they are universal like this I would call these answers more valid. Its the real stuff.

Verbal communication is such a small part of life, they say, what, it makes up 10 percent of communication? Yet we go and demand our answers in verbal or scripted forms. How foolish! What a contradiction that man falls into. We always fall into them, let me say, probably everyday.

So we seek our answers, answers to life, God, justice, peace, war, relationships, we seeks answers to all these things in a verbal way, but this is silly, seeking verbal answers is simply foolish. What about the deaf and mute and blind? Try communicating to them verbally and its a different story, they read you differently. God can communicate clearly verbally and non verbally.

Well, coming along now, I would say that every question I honestly put out to God is answered, undeniably, but also in a way that is special and unique to me. God speaks to me in my language. How beautiful.

He speaks to me in almost seemingly inhuman ways, but really the ways he speaks to me are utterly human. He speaks to me with hope, with peace, with strength, with wisdom, with people, through people, with intuition, yes, and even with words and script. A quite reliable and amazing script I do say, one we call the Bible.

If this seems foreign, or eastern, or wacky, or unscientific then change your thinking.

This relationship that God has with us is not unlike relationships many humans have with one another. Parents teach and talk to their children and an individual level. Their love for each child is the same but it is expressed in different ways. Likewise we humans each receive different talents, gifts, blessings from God; we just have to trust that God knows best. Trust and faith are key elements in our life walks. Good school teachers also will teach and interact with their students in special and unique ways as well, treating each student a little differently depending on their most effective learning style.

Depending on their most effective learning style.

If you think about your own circles, your own friends, you will see that you yourself treat them differently. Its not a question of love, its a question of individuality. I would say that many of our relationships are based upon things such as hope, peace, strength, wisdom, and more seemingly strange forms of communication.

So, I would say in conclusion that questioning is good. Very good. But get ready for your questions to be answered in a way that is uncomfortable for us, a way that is not as clear cut as we would like and maybe a form that is completely detestable in our minds but completely adorable in our souls. Even so, be as ready as you want to be, if your not looking for these answers then your questions probably will not get answered. Look to the Bible for every answer, talk to God, and communicate with him. Bring questions before reliable sources.

I just heard a great brother say, "Do you think that God that created communication doesn't know how to communicate with us?" How dare we think that. He is more then able, He is God and can be your God.

So...

ask questions

look and be aware of the answers

expect to see them





Im telling you, im a different person when im low on sleep.



all in all: bleh

life-life-life

yes-yes-yes
never all the best
wish upon a star
and stand out from the rest

good-ness-no
it cannot be so
everything is curvy
we cannot find a flow

its-all-gone
finished not for long
bundle up emotions
and write a little song

en-joy hope
loneliness can cope
no one left it helpless
extend the end of rope

just-for-you
believe because its true
as long as somethings breathing
we find it white and blue

long-for-love
it reigns alone above
stop to seek creating
and wear a perfect glove

wrap-it-tight
it wont put up a fight
our several mistakes made
are taken up in flight

die-die-die
find life in Adonai
the only way to make it
is through self sacrifice

they are not

they just are

WOR(L)D

A man from Congo, a little boy outside his home in Baghdad, and women from Afganistan.

Fortune Cookie Faith

“Don’t have too complicated a mind,” he said. “Think in ten-word sentences.”

~Donald Lau

Although this was said by a man who created the little sayings in fortune cookies, I think it has vast amounts of truth it. Honestly, I think a lot of those fortune cookies are pretty cool and deep.



Anyways, back to the original quote. Don’t have a complicated mind. Although this fortune cookie maker was obviously reffering to women, but we can all learn from it. I think having a complicated mind may not be the best way to live out life. The Bible talks about child like faith.

Here is another quote to ponder (Miss u L!)


"I am not young enough to know everything"

~Oscar Wilde


If we can sit on that for a while. Child like faith.

Here are two places the Bible talks about children...

And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
~Matthew 18:3-4

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
~Matthew 19:14

Let that roll around your head a little bit. This innocence that children posses. Thinking in a simple way. Taking the world back to the basics. Life’s essentials. What this life all about.

So, im not going to reach any conclusion. Im taking a new approach to blogging - an open ended approach. This is an approach I don’t fully believe in, so if you have questions feel free ask me, e-mail me, comment, anything.

The Bible also says
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry..
James 1:19

Quick to listen, slow to speak. I think this is commonly contrary to the way many people think and act. But I think it’s quite valuable. The whole idea is valuable.

So, im not going to reach any conclusion. I could easily come to a couple conclusions but im going to leave it open ended, it’s an experimental way of blogging for me. Hands off, let the reader to the thinking. Its sort of hard..

If you have any questions always feel free to hit me up, e-mail me, comment - any form of communication that is verbal or scripted.



luv

-j

sight

please, make me believe said no eyes

i cannot said sight

~Float float, said the man~

~This world enjoys failure~

~Its a truth that is latent~

~While the man told me to float~

Brief Quotation in Review

As long as I consider my personal temperament and think about what I am fitted for, I shall never hear the call of God.

But when I am brought into relationship with God, I am in the condition the Isaiah was in.

Isaiah's soul was so attuned to God by the tremendous crisis he had gone through that he recorded the call of God to his amazed soul.

The majority of us have no ear for anything but ourselves, we cannot hear a thing God says.

To be brought into the zone of the call of God is to be profoundly altered.


-Oswald Chambers




(Don't mind the title...)

Selfish

I think I need to work on being selfish. I think, often, that I am just the most selfish thing on the face of this grimy earth. Now please, don't try to argue with me on this one. A conviction is not a conviction if someone trys to convice one otherwise. I suppose this is not a real conviction, more like something that always needs to be worked on; a never ending work in progress. Sort of like Rochester, always construction, or a up and coming University, always some tore up side walk and a new building.
Yeah, im like a up and coming University.

Up and coming...look out.

So, in conclusion,

God help me with my selfish soul.

-_-

In other less moral news I did not do anything acedemic this entire weekend and I need someone to slap my wrist for that.

In other even less moral news the world outside of America is depsressing and needs lots of help.

In other less moral news human beings in general are currupt and need a savior.

In other... see, I am really trying to think of something to say that does not involve some sort of "personalized" set of standards, some sort of "individualistic" morals, but, I can't homie, I just can't. The fact that I can't maybe, in a small way, proves that there is no such thing as "personal" morals but one large standard that is written on the hearts of every human being. this is touchy and I won't get into detial, but CS Lewis's book Mere Christianity discusses it.

Again, touchy, but sometimes I think about it and it makes sense. =/

No personal morals only personal deviance from a greater standard.

How does it sound? I feel like im offending people...but I dont mind
=D

kuz why???

Yeah...thats why silly blind man, thats why.

Here is some news that involves no personal opinion what-so-ever, no personal beliefs, no individual opinion, this is free from all that, this is the bottom line...

everyone (including me) is broken, empty, and jaded in their own way and needs Jesus to come into their lives to fill our gaps, renew our strength, and purify our filthy bodys.

anddd thats fact =P

PS - So much, so much more...

Cats

I love studio Ghibli films. Hayao Miyazaki is a genius, no way around it. Anything he puts out I fall in love with, or maybe it is an intense form of "like". Well, he is good---real good.

Heres a short plot summary of a 15 minute movie he made called "Mizugumo Monmon".

Monmon, a water spider, one day meets a pond skater girl. Monmon falls in love with her. Will his love be ever fulfilled?

Come on! Amazing!

But my favorite movie by Ghibli is called The Cat Returns. I know just about every word to this movie. I know, this is a strange side of me that not alot of people know about. Heres some quotes from the the movie.


Haru: ... Moo-ta.
Muta: Moo? Are you saying Im a fat cow?
Haru: No! Youre just fat!

Baron: Always believe in yourself. Do this and no matter where you are, you will have nothing to fear.



You don't get much more amazing then that. If you don't believe me, go rent the movies.

life and its delinquencies

look and listen
you heavenly beings
a lost soul seeks not
yet constantly praying

lo and behold
it all came to naught
entrance takes faith
but not the thought

these people of earth
see beauty yet
its based on greed
and selfishness

too bad this place
is lost and cold
fitting precise
social molds

the tree is dead
the flower dry
hope is found only
in the night sky

the tree is dead
those stars unseen
ghosts of us
hurt and bleed

true and true
it never fails
the host of heaven
always prevails

too bad quite sad
a miserable scene
they fail to believe
in whats unseen

Sun and the Moon

Yo, mewithoutyou is a real real poetic band. They are amazing. Here is one of there songs called "Sun & the Moon" from there new album "Brother, Sister".


Daniel broke the king's decree,
Peter stepped from the ship to the sea
There was hope for Job like a cut down tree,
I only hope that there's such hope for me
dust be on my mind's conceptions
and anything I thought I knew
each word of my lips description,
and on all that I compare to You

the preference of the sun was
to the south side of the farm
I planted to the north in a terra-cotta pot
blind as I'd become, I used to wonder where you are
these days I can't find where you're not

mine's a yard, surface tending
foxes burrowed underground
my gardenings so self-recommended,
what could I have done but let you down?

the sun and the moon,
I want to see both worlds as One

mine's a story, dimly remembered
by the time it's told halfway true
of bad behavior well engendered
what good is each good thing we think we do?

find a friend and stay close and with a melting heart
tell them whatever you're most ashamed of
our parents have made so many mistakes,
but may we forgive them and forgive ourselves

the sun and the moon are my Father's eyes (x1,000)

dumb

dang people are dumb
dont read ppls blogs kuz ppl are dumb
then again
i must be the dumbest of them all
i sit her and blog about ppl who are dumb who blog
its like saying
people who eat cheesecake are dumb
and eating cheese cake while you say it
so in life
whenever i think someone is dumb
or not smart
i usually come to the conclusion
that i am dumber
or yet still
the dumbest

its so late/early that i hear alarms going off in other buildings

Lonely, lonely nights

I know, I know...
You’ve come to take me down.
I knew this would happen.

Relax,
Could it be you were meant for this?
Did you ever doubt it?

But if I cease to be,
What of all those lonely, lonely nights?
Your darkroom and your 8x10s?
And if I cease to be,
Who will you believe in anymore?
This world is such a bore.

Some lives
Have a way of colliding and blurring into headlines.
I’ve had
Dreams about this for years, you know.
(thought you would be taller.)

But if I cease to be,
What of all those lonely, lonely nights?
Your darkroom and your 8x10s?
And if I cease to be,
Who will you believe in anymore?
This world is such a bore.

Such a beautiful world,
What a beautiful lie.
Such a beautiful world,
What a beautiful lie.
Such a beautiful world,
What a beautiful,
A beautiful lie.

Maybe Im amazed at how real this is.
Thats why im not frightened.
Oh no, guess my times coming to an end.
You’ve taken your mask off.
Such a beautiful world,
What a beautiful lie.
Such a beautiful world,
What a beautiful lie.
Such a beautiful world,
What a beautiful,
A beautiful lie.

Earl King
prime New Orleans R&B artist from the 1950's/60's

Jude

24

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling,

And to present you faultless

Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,



25

To God our Savior,

Who alone is wise,

Be glory and majesty,

Dominion and power,

Both now and forever.

Amen.

I thought

I thought about this today.

I was reading first John, its a book in the Bible written by a guy named John. John was one of Jesus's 12 homies.

Well, I was reading the first chapter. It said that Jesus had no sin. It also said that the one who has Jesus inside of him does not commit sin.
But then I thought, come on Bible, we all sin. According to God's holy standards we all do sin and we are all going to hell.
Jesus also changed that of course, coming, doing that whole act of sacrifical love by dying on the cross and such.

So I thought, come on, we all sin.

So I wondered, who then actually has Jesus inside of them?

Then I thought, well goodness, ask and you shall recieve right, so we do have Jesus inside of us.

Then why do we sin? If we have a sinless Jesus inside of us, and those who love Jesus do not sin, then why do I sin?

Then I thought, no, wait John (me), you sin because although Jesus is inside of you, you just choose not to surrender those aspects of your life that you struggle with to Him.

I think surrendering those aspects to Him, somehow putting them in His hands, is how you Jesus becomes alive in you.

So I thought of Jesus for sure being inside of all of us who ask, but being trapped in some hearts, and free in other hearts.

It does make sense that if you allow a sinless Jesus to take control of your heart that you won't sin, that seems logical. He doesen't sin, so with him at the wheel, you don't sin. Makes sense.

This lead to yet another thought. If I do have Jesus in my heart, but I do not surrender to him my sinful acts, will I enter into heaven?

The Bible says those who fail to acknowledge God, God will in turn not acknowledge you when you go to heaven. That was a scary thought.

All who ask Jesus to come into their hearts with their mouths and believe Jesus is Lord are saved and they do have Jesus inside of them.

Yet if they choose not to acknowledge him they could still fail to enter into heaven.

If you are sinning, like continually, and you fail to surrender that sin to a sinless God, then failing to do so is a act of not acknowledging God. Like denying God's existance inside of you.

And though it is true you ask and you shall recieve, in the same principle you reap what you sow, and not acknowledging that you have a living and pure God living inside of you will lead you to Hell.

Also, don't go saying you are saved, you have Jesus, and then saying you don't believe in heaven or hell. Come one now.

a well balenced "gully" evening

Knamean

By John Barnabas Lake

Inspired by true events and the urban lifestyle that influences so many susceptible youth of this world.

Co-written by John's ghetto alter ego "JQ Skrilla aka So Hood aka Razzle J aka L'angsta aka JL the Kid-izzle who does not Mess-izzle a-rizzle" etc

Ok, this is my night homie, this what I plan to do after like typing on this computer knamean, kuz, I am more then just a typer, feel me, so, im about to get some food, probably a salad and maybe like some pizza, kuz I gotta stay healthy and fat, knamean, then some homework, probably like some sociology and some statistics knamean, and then like some phone calls knamean, knamean homes', then like maybe a little chillen, some star gazin, knamean, gotta stay poetically inspired, knamean, you knowwhatimsaying homie, then maybe I will write some fiction story about like the meaning of grass, knamean, gotta stay creative and innovative knamean, grass is deep feel me, then I might write a short symphony kuz, knamean, love that music stuff, knamean, then I might break some branches of trees, knamean, gotta keep my edge knamean, gotta stay tough n rough, knamean, gotta stay brolick n gully, feel me baby G, gotta maintain that with some branch breaking, knowwhatimsaying, then I will probably go to sleep, after like brushing my teeth like 4 times, kuz, knamean, gotta stay fresh n clean, knowwhatimsaying, hear me G, then I will most def sleep, after reading some fiction, some truth, and some non-fiction, knowwhatimsaying, gotta stay educated and spiritually filled, feel me, then I will grab like my teddy bear knamean, gotta stay sensitive, knamean, then I will close my eyes and sleep, knamean, peacefully knamean, without snoring, knamean, and wake up in the morning feeling alive and ready to face the day, knowwhatimsaying, you feel me, then, I will go to class, and this cycle might start again on the next night knamean, its life, on the reg, just staying as gull as possible knamean.

knamean


John would like to make note that his writing skills, i.e. his sentence structure is strongly influenced by his education in the urban city of Rochester New York where students get murdered (highest homicide rate in NY), and teachers get fired for financial reasons (20 million gap in 2003), and children dropout (about one in two children), and experience other things like pregnancy and fatherless and/or motherless family structures.

John is too blood though, he can make it on the streets, he just has to do what he has to do, aint no one gona stop him, shoot, knamean, he is blood, he is so hood, knamean, he aint takin no advice from no one, knamean, kuz he got this, feel me, he got this under wraps, knamean, hustlin is a way a life, knamean, get rich or die trying, knamean, but he gona make it, aight, signing out, be easy

knamean

Yes

i do not have a car but i dont feel the pain
i walk real slow in the snow and the rain
to chicago and wells and i step on the train
everybody's loud, im lost in the crowd
97 people i know not one name
i look out the window, my thoughts unrestrained
God, its rather plain what i want in this life
to rap with my kids and swing dance with my wife

-tapwater, "passion"






And into every state, every country of late
No matter where you go, we all chase the same fate
Slated from failure, plated for jail
Hell is waiting, ride inside
Seven-Eleven to trail yeah
Home, I need a real home to rest
Cause I'm sick of slipping in the darkness

-pigeon john, "draw me closer"

-
-
-
T h e r a i n h e l p e d . . .
-
-
-
-

celestial

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun.
-W.H. Auden, "Song"

-

-

-

-

-

---

This is thy hour O soul, thy free flight into the wordless,
Away from the books, away from the art, the day erased, the lesson learned
Thee fully forth emerging, silent, gazing, pondering thethemes thou lovest best,
Night, sleep, death and the stars.
-Walt Whitman, "A Clear Midnight"

---

-

-

-

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
-William Shakespeare, "Sonnet 130"

My own lake

pic

no one likes a girl with a short skirt,

better fix that ladys, get it right

nice emotional picture though

L word

Let love be without hypocrisy.

Let love be genuine.

Let love be without dissimulation.

Let love be sincere.

Let love be unfeigned.

Let love be honest and true.

Let love be real.


Love conquers all.

Love never fails.

(from Romans 12 and 1 Cor 13, Bible)

I'M A CHRISTIAN..AND I'M PROUD TO SAY IT!!

oh no

If, if you are a christian, and if you have a facebook, and you want to get depressed, just look at that website. I dont even know where to start. They all need Jesus.

It is truly depressing...especially the discussion board.

In case someone who is not saved decides to look at that site, just remember, those guys are crazy. If you got questions ask some one who is legit.

"I'M A CHRISTIAN..AND I'M PROUD TO SAY IT!!"

ug

goodness

Well,

Another Sat. has come and gone. Its been gone for about 4 hours. So, in other words, its 4 in the morning. I hate this, how do I stay up so late? What do I do? I don't even do anything. I just sit around. Im so lazy.

Well, I did go to "Kelly Cafe" and bought some cerial (6 bucks), a protien shake (4 bucks), a bag of baked chips (2 dollars) and some chicken. The chicken was cheap. But it was fried.

Well, after buying that and sitting down and eating with a friend of mine I headed back to the dorm. My friend, the one who ate with me, turned the big TV on that is found in the lounge area. He flipped passes the movie Hero and I told him to stop. We watched for a while, he got biored and went to bed, I should of went to bed but, man, I stayed up and watched it. It was at the end, but it took forever to finish because of all these dumb comercials.

I like Hero. I think I like it because I dont have to think to watch it. Most movies, even good movies, I just tend to overthink them and I dont enjoy them. I dont mind this so much. But with Hero, something about it, makes me stop thinking. I just watch and accept everything im watching.

Maybe not that perfectly. I do think "Why the heck are they dipping their swords in the water?", "Why are they walking on water?", "Why are they still talking?", and other questions. But I can quickly dismiss this questions of disbelief and look at the movie as a complete work of art. Every odd thing that occurs in the movie I dismiss as odd and accept as art.

Thats the only way I enjoy that movie. It may be the closest thing to a chick flick that I will watch. I think it comes pretty close. I duno.

In other news, I washed my hair with shampoo today and NO conditioner. Yeah, crazy. It wasent too bad though. I did it by choice. Well, I guess I have to experiement more before I say whats what. I will keep you updated.

Yeah right I wont keep you updated about something like shampoo. I think I only wanted to bring up those two things, the movie and the shampoo, because they were so menial. So pety. They were almost so small and insignificant that I wanted to say them.

Ok, I gotta go to bed. For a good time go to this site. Some hot songs.

K, one love er' body

Understand

You should never judge what you do not understand.

D' Millah!

How about that scrappy guy Donold Miller, eh? Something else

Here is a quote from Blue Like Jazz...

"The magical proposition of the gospel, once free from the clasps of fairy tale, was very adult t me, very gritty like something from Hemingway or Steinbeck, like something with copious amounts of sex and blood. Christian spirituality was not a children’s story. It wasn't cute or neat. It was mystical and odd and clean, and it was reaching into dirty. There was wonder in it and enchantment."

Nice thought, very nice.
D. Miller is sick. He is "nasty" as some would say. Keep reppin the hood D' Miller, let em know where your from baby.

(just in case Mr. Miller is from the hood)

Well, I like that thought. I was just talking to a friend who is going to a Christian school and she is required to read all of the Old Testament before the end of the first semester. That’s a big task I thought. She has been finishing up that book of Genesis and has told me that she was shocked to see some of the gut retching stuff in there. Lots of nasty crap in the Bible though, isn’t there. In genesis we got that pre-Sodom destruction story with the angels chillen and the daughters, I mean, that’s crazy stuff. That was a real man with a real dilemma. Goodness. Well then we got the fourth man to walk the earth murdering, a massive flood killing women and children, Abrams little maidservant stint, the selling of a birth right, you know, trickery, fear, rebellion, discontent, I mean the list can go on and on.

Has your preacher, or your pastor, or your bishop, you know that real religious guy in your church building, has he/she ever read that list of Bible people that were horrible flawed but did big things for God? Well, the Bible is full of them. The man after Gods own heart (God help me get there) murdered a guy and had some fun with his wife. Paul killed homies like you and me! tax collectors, cheaters, killers, just lots of weird people in the Bible that God has used in spite of themselves.

So, I hope we all get to a place where God doesn’t have to use us despite of ms. I hope we get to a place where God can use us and we can truly be blameless before him and before men. That’d be sick, attaining that may take a lifetime, and so be it.

winter home unfinished
tea is invisible
strong river cloud tea
heart pearl

Thats what my mug says, and your mug might say that too if we have the same mug. Its a mug I bought in china town. It has a lid and a filter thing but, sadly, i dont use them. I only use the main mug.

The main mug.

Well it has these chinese characters on the side of it. So I asked my roomate, who was born in China and is mad cool, what it said and he tried to tell me, but he said it was in cursive so it was hard. All I got was this rough translation, but I thought it was odd and poetic enough to be worth something.

I will post again soon, have no fear and no doubt about that..

Wait, lets see it one mroe time


winter home unfinished
tea is invisible
strong river cloud tea
heart pearl

oh man, thats great.

Post

I have just kinda felt the need to post recently. So, im going on instinct here.

I usually dont like posting just for the sake of posting but this will be an exeption. So, it might be boring and random. Just know, that im posting for you. yeaahh...thats it. Im doing it for you!

Life has been good. I have been, secretly, getting into a little bit of old blues/pre-funk sort of stuff. I have really just looked at this one guy Johnny "guitar" Watson and some of his songs and his lyrics. Funny guy. Kinda a forerunner for rap music, for computer music, for white-pop musicians, and for Jimi Hendrix. It is said, and really proven, that he was doing a lot of the moves that Hendrix was doing before Hendrix. Hendrix also covered his song "Gangster of Love". Now, that song title alone is hilarious when you think about it today’s context, I mean, that is just great. Gangsters are more or less looked upon as morally, you know, corrupt people. But a gangster of love, that just confuses me. Then the lyrics are really funny. I would post the lyrics on here, but, i duno they are kinda degrading. One part he says he roped 65 girls and kissed them all at the same time and he like stole a beauty contests first place winner and stuff.

So, Johnny "guitar" Watson is actually being a gangster of love. Or of something he calls love. Im not going to turn this into a song about the meaning of love, but his definition is clearly misguiding.

Um, yeah, just wanted to share with you guys that this guy is funny. Sorry, i know, its boring. Here is a better song that he did. Its not original, i think a guy named Earl King wrote and performed it. Im pretty sure. Well, its called "Those Lonely Lonely Nights" Its deep...

There’s been some lonely, lonely nights
Baby yeah since you been gone
Lay my head on my pillow
How I cry all night long

The things you used to say to me
I thought that we would never part
Yes you know that I love you
Why did you break my heart?

If you would only come back home
And let me take you in my arms
Yes you know Id be happy
I wouldn’t be so all alone

Its been dark since you’ve been gone
Baby please bring back the lights
Baby please come back home
And free me from these lonely nights

Yeah, way better then these modern love songs. Sappy, dangerously sappy. Ok, maybe i have had to much time on my hands doing all this stuff, but i think its interesting. Goodness.

Alright! Be good dear reader and live life selflessly.

OK

OK, im going to write about college.

College is nice. At first the freshmen and the upperclassmen volunteers are the only ones on the campus. Life is pretty boring. Freshman are pretty boring. And the volunteers have a "high caste" kind of attitude with you because, shoot, they can. But freshmen are very easy to meet and to smile at and talk to and become close close friends with for about an hour until the next day when you forget their names and they don't care much for you. Maybe its not quite like that, but people these freshmen kids are very uneasy and all miss their parents and are just begging for some form of acceptance. Well, some of them are, others are just fine. They are just fine in their little social bubbles wobbling around with their flip-flops and their fat sun glasses and whispering little secrets about this new college life. So, you have a combination of lonely students and students in bubbles. Their are more categories then that of course, those are just the ones I feel like talking about.
Teachers are nice for the most part. Its not in high school where the teachers can scream at you and yell and throw things and cuss and spit in your face and not be in any sort of jeopardy of losing their jobs. These teachers actually have a obligation to be nice to you and make sure you learn and are treated fairly. Im not sure which one I prefer for college, while of more value, is stale and impersonal and artificial. While high school is bad for other reasons. But teachers and students have to be in some sort of conflict in order for things to go on smoothly, that's what I learned in sociology class. I also learned that any religion is ok to pick, the impairer thing is just picking one. So, I think I will pick a radical religion that involves killing people of other religions because, shoot, sounds fun.

You know what, I think im not in a good mood to discuss these matters logically. So kind of use some wisdom and disregard lots of what I said until I present in a better way, k? Thanks

christian

If you are a christian I would strongly encourage you to act like one. You do not understand what I just said. Strongly encourage you to act like one. Strongly encourage. Maybe implore would be a better word. Strongly implore.

You know those famous amos cookies? Those ones you eat. There is a guy, wally amos, who made them and he is real. He is alive today, he lives on a island, he is american. He also makes muffins. Yeah, no joke, muffins. I know, I know muffins. He also gives money to like charities that help people read. Great stuff. Cookies and reading.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.

Yeah...

I just wrote a nice long blog then I tried to spell check it and it all got erased. Kind of sad.

Yeah...

Sad. I think more with out a doubt it is sad then with some doubts.

Yeah...

School is kind of nice. My friends are nice. I think, one day, they will all love Jesus.

Yeah...

Soon im going to make a big rocket ship and just fly it to a close mountain. I would not fly it to a far away mountain because, goodness, thats a lot of rocket gas. If car gas is the price it is you can imagine the price of rocket gas. Yeah, stay away from rocket gas if you can. So, I would go to a mountain that is close and enjoy the cold peaks and the goats and clouds. You see, many mountains are so tall that they are above the clouds, so although you think you would have a great view from way up there all you really see are cloud. Anyways, I would enjoy the sight of goats and clouds and probably enjoy some mountain berry's because I can not pass them up. After nearly passing out because the air way up high is sort of thinner then the air down here, I would fly back to home. Then I would sell my rocket on eBay and the money I get would help pay off my college loan. Sweet, paying off college loans has got to be sweet. Not a lot of things make me say sweet.

Yeah...

So, I am going to have to write in this blog of mine more. Especially since I am away at school, well away at college, well they call it a university really guys.

So...

Yeah...

goodnight

Misery

Ah misery,

It’s called misery

I never knew its name

Till it was a friend to me

I new the day would come

Alas it came indeed

Who imagined this pair

Misery and me

It came and sat

In my own bedroom

A face ugly yet

I became its groom

Misery

Became a chum

Using reality

To bathe my glum

It shook me out

The dust flew away

Never to return

Till an ignorant day

Oh now I know

What I will leave behind

Amazing friends

Such golden finds!

Thanks to misery

Naught is foregone

It‘s all brand new

While I am gone

Oh worrisome woe

Oh woe is me

That I must leave my friends

Deliberately

Misery will

come along my side

To help me live

Life open eyed

Each day that comes

That im away

Will be walked out

With misery to stay

Death

Driving up, they knew what had happened. They all knew.

He pulled up to the side of the road but could not get out of the car. He just gripped the steering wheel and looked into nothing. They all felt an obvious emptiness. The one that sat next to him got out of the car slowly and tried to approach the two but ended up walking in a fickle circle and pulling his thick hair nervously. The girl sat on the curb burying her face in her knees and held her knees tightly with her arms. The other lied on his back and squeezed his two hands flat against his face.

Death.

All their faces were wet with tears. The one in the car closed his sleepy eyes slowly, bit his lip, and slightly shook his head. The one walking in circles stood still, looked into the sky, and cried silently. She pulled her hoody over her head to her chin and wept louder. Through her sobs they repeatedly heard the word why. The other took his hands from his face and squeezed the grass.

Disbelief.

They could all remember like it was yesterday. It was yesterday for some of them. It was so sudden and unexpected. They all could figure out ways to blame themselves, blame each other, and blame God. None of them could imagine living life with this loss. What a loss it was, an empty and unexplainable loss. Nothing one says can make it better. Words fail.

Change.

Nothing would be the same. Life would go on with an irrefutable and eternal void. Yet tomorrow would come nonetheless. They had to react. Their reaction to this loss is what would matter. The emptiness would not get filled but it can get reckoned with. What to do, where to go, when to start, many questions filled the individuals minds. He would not want them to cry, not for too long. That would be a waste of time. His death was something they had to deal with, they would deal with. His death was the signature at the end of his life-letter and they all had to send a reply.

Belief.

Now they had nothing except themselves and each other. No leader. No teacher. They could only imagine what he would do and attempt to do something close. His life was not coming back but they breathed daily. He was gone forever. Now they lived new lives, in a way. These individuals would always be themselves and always follow their own paths but now, half of their soul was committed to taking up the torch of a dead man. That half of their soul was a flaming half.

Truth.

Knowing what life really boils down to was a beautiful lesson that they learned from the wise man. Now silly little words would transform into frightening and bloody action. In an instant everything changed; entire lives, changed. They would now live life with a void caused by death and a commitment caused by one mere mans untainted character. The fact that one man could cause so much pain and loss only reaffirmed the significant mark he made on these four individuals. Never remaining the same, the four would fight for the tomorrow a dead man dreamed of. Now the man is asleep outside of time, outlived by his dedicated empty-filled children.

Dont like Christians

I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are nothing like your Christ.

Mahatma Ghandi

Bitter

In the desert I saw a creature, naked, bestial, who, squatting upon the ground, Held his heart in his hands, And ate of it. I said, "Is it good, friend?" "It is bitter -- bitter," he answered; "But I like it Because it is bitter, And because it is my heart."

- Stephen Crane, "III in The Black Riders and Other Tales"

Deep Thoughts

Marta says the interesting thing about fly fishing is that it's two lives connected by a thin strand. Come on, Marta. Grow up.

It's too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.

He was a comboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her she disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said "Dust to dust," some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others, "I'll be waiting for you in heaven - with a gun."

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell hi is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tried to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing?!

-Deep Thoughts

Do this

It’s so easy to get caught up in our every day lives, our everyday worlds

But they are not the world, they are self created

Ignorance is bliss and we seem to seek out ignorance in order to fulfill this bliss

I cannot blame all of you; it has been engrafted inside of you since you were young

The American dream is to become rich, have a nice car, nice family

These are all good things, but are we missing something?

Again, we seem to seek out ignorance in order to fulfill our happy lives

Our happy, glutinous, greedy lives

I don’t know, but it seems it would be more difficult for the suburbanites

Maybe they don’t see the homeless every day

Homeless men do not have a future; they have no money, not much near hope for them

Maybe in the suburbs you think every lawn caring woman is happy and has it together

They sure look happy with all that makeup they fluff onto their pasty faces

Maybe you pass through the city on the way to work

Maybe you even work in downtown Rochester; or your own respected downtown

I bet you’ve seen the homemade (but no home) signs; “Food”, a simple request, is it not?

This request does not even require you to learn his name

You don’t have to try to get him a place to stay that night

You don’t even got to shake his hand

You don’t even, necessarily; have to look him in his God given eyes

Just hand the human some food

But in your air conditioned car, with you windows up, your music on, you drive by

Is it that difficult?

Is the thought of yourself reaching out your hand; giving him those groceries too much?

No, you don’t want to look the homeless man in the eye, you drive by

It makes life easier for you to try to believe that there are not people who struggle

And it is easier, ignorance is bliss, but then again you saw the man, you saw the sign

Can you ignore it forever? Can you drive by forever? Will you conscience allow it?

I pray it does now allow it.

I pray that you believe, and think about these words, and about those struggling people

People like me are not rare, and these comparisons are not very rare either

I can show you books, and articles, and essays about this issue

About the odd way millionaires live in the same cities as poverty stricken individuals

This is not a new issue; the new issue is the condition of the real perpetrators hearts

I don’t pity the homeless man as much as I pity the man who fails to help him

Some of homeless men live happy, free, even, dare I say it, fulfilling lives

Some, on the other hand, are demon possessed-no joke (man law)

Regardless, they all need assistance, no doubt

But they will receive a certain amount of grace from our merciful God

You, on the hand, have homeless blood all over your pasty hands

I cannot say that a wealthy Christian will enter into heaven; I will never say this

(Jesus did not say this either, all things are possible but camels are large; needles small)

We serve a loving God but many people do not mention that we serve a God of wrath

We serve a jealous God

We serve a God who judges that nations, judges the heart; and we should fear God

The fear of the Lord is critical; you don’t have to be a Bible scholar to know that

Remember, Christian people, that Jesus preached a life-giving, life-sacrificing lifestyle

He told us to turn the other cheek, to love and pray for those who persecute us

He told us to not commit adultery and also not to lust

He told us to not murder and also not to hate

I believe self-inflicted ignorance is a form of hate, nay an expression of hate

It is hate in action, worse then hating someone with your words, hate incarnate

You are not blind, you act blind

You are not asleep, you act asleep

You people are just dumb

You people need to give up your entire lives to Christ

If I make this seem like its hard, it’s not that hard

Its only putting action into this book we call the Bible

The holy word of the Lord

It’s written in black and white, and sometimes red

If the book says to pray then pray

The books says to love unconditionally, love unconditionally

If the book says trample the devil under your foot, trample the devil under your dang foot

The book also says we serve a God that never leaves us nor forsakes us

We serve a God that does desire to bless us, bless us in his loving best interests

He wants us to have every good thing, read Philemon verse 6, and really read that crap

It’s not a time to awake; it’s a time to get out of bed

It’s not a time to receive sight; it’s a time to put your glasses on, refocus

Be lead by the Holy Spirit; ask him to guide you in your everyday life

Act upon all those things and all those other things that you know you must do

Do them, action, action, action, look people in the eyes!

Oh Lord I live among gluttons

Oh Lord I live among the greedy

Oh Lord I live among worldly people

It’s nothing new though, I will always serve you

Help me to endure, help me to be strong, help me to never give up

Thank you God for being faithful and just

Just, the Lord loves justice, what is justice?

Justice is reaching your hand out, justice is caring, justice is fair

Justice requires action and it requires strength

We can do this, it is far from beyond us, it is not amazingly hard

It requires some selflessness and some unity

We can do this

Let’s love the Lord God with all our hearts, all our minds, all our souls, all our strength

Then let’s love our neighbors as we love ourselves

And we love ourselves way too much to begin with

Let’s honor one another above ourselves, go beyond, live in harmony with one another

Let’s love the Lord God with all our strength, all the strength we posses

All our strength

We can do this

Do it

Jesus is Lord.

Yourself

Its all in the attitude
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Be who you want to be
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Express your
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Individuality
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"I'll take a green tea. Hot," Danger Mouse (born Brian Burton) says, slumping down into a couch in the Atlantic Records offices. Green looks up: "Orange juice." The Atlantic Records guy who's offered to run down to the deli looks unsure, so they try to make it easy on him. "Wait, I'll take a Vitamin Water," says Mouse, holding up a half-empty bottle on the table in front of him. "Yeah, me too. Formula 50, that sounds good," says Green.

Another interview over, Burton takes a sip of his Vitamin Water, which is actually fruit punch. "This tastes baaad," he declares, closing the bottle up and throwing it on the carpet. He stares at it for a second, before picking it up and putting it back on the table. "I just wanted to do something that I thought a rock star would do," he says, a little embarrassed.

Truth in the form of my brother

Heart on Fire

A battle won is a battle which we will not acknowledge to be lost.

In whatever position you find yourself determine first your objective.

It takes 15,000 casualties to train a major general.

My center is giving way, my right is in retreat; situation excellent. I shall attack.

No study is possible on the battlefield.

The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire.

The power to command has never meant the power to remain mysterious.

The will to conquer is the first condition of victory.

-Ferdinand Foch

(French, WW2)

Faith

Receiving Christ involves turning to God from self (repentance) and trusting Christ to come into our lives to forgive our sins and to make us what He wants us to be.

Just to agree intellectually that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and that He died on the cross for our sins is not enough.

Nor is it enough to have an emotional experience.

We receive Jesus Christ by faith, as an act of the will.

I am very courageous

Go Here, PLEASE

Hello one and all.

Please Check out my Little brothers website www.sendpete.com

this is a rough version of the website but we had to throw it up because our websire creator-guy ran off on vacation for 10 days. So in 10 days we can fix all the grammerical errors.

Support my man.

Also, if you give him an idea or a design concept, or maybe a detailed request, he can probably draw it on a shirt. He can also surpise you. He has lots of clouds and hearts and this's and that's. So, be creative. Order em up !!

Thank you all!

www.sendpete.com