This land

And this land screamed for centuries that we are bestial brutes; that the human pulse stops at the gates of the slave compound; that we are walking compost hideously promising tender cane and silky cotton and they would brand us with red-hot irons and we would sleep in our excrement and they would sell us on the town square and an ell of English cloth and salted meat from Ireland cost less than we did, and this land was calm, tranquil, repeating that the spirit of the Lord was in its acts.

-Aime Cesaire
Cahier d'un Retour au Pays Natal

why hello

Hey

This is just an update, I seem to have been slacking as far as this whole blog this goes.
I would love to say im going to blog more often from now on, I would love to make some great weekly commitment to this blog, but im not sure if thats going to happen for I know myself quite well.

I have been wondering though to what extent I actually know myself. I accept the fact that God, being my creator, knows me more then I know myself. I know that. He knows my crooked heart, he knows my devious ways, he knows my inmost being.

Looking at my actions and thoughts subjectively helps me understand the way I think. Almost like im my own lab patient or something, and I test my beliefs on myself. Not a bad thing at all, I don't think, its good to make sure your applying what you believe to yourself before telling it to others. Or else you are being a hypocrite I believe.

But in other ways I do not even attempt to know myself. I let other people make those judgments. Im not talking about in moral ways but more in outward ways, my appearance, my attitude, that sort of stuff.

I am huge proponent of being you.

There is some line from some song or a poem or some something that goes...

its all in the attitude
be who you want to be
express your
individuality

its sort of a bouncy and fast hip-hop poppy jam, maybe i just made this up in the shower or something, who knows...

But I certainly believe in being ones self. Discovering who that person is, discovering your loves, your passions, your interests, your talents, your beautiful uniqueness and not running from those things.

Im a big anti-conformity sort of person as well. I really marvel at my beautiful little brothers and sisters with all those piercings all over their face and other body parts...Some of those beautiful people have died hair. I like the people that wear women's clothing as well, I think that's quite brave. I admire that. I really do.

I saw this one guy who was wearing Uptowns (Nike 80$) and he had two plastic bags over each of them and was walking around campus like that. Because it was raining. I did not admire that. I really did not. That was sort of wack, I mean, come on man. There are better ways to get attention. I hope hes not reading this...

I like the boys who wear shirts that you can see their belly buttons, but their not gay. Thats crazy son... How do people do that? Its amazing...

Im sort of a "take back the gay look from gay people" kind of guy too. Like the rainbow thing, I like rainbows man, but im sort of upset that they have to represent homosexuality. I don't really have a issue with it, i just wish I could sport it with out being judged accordingly. Why cant they have like a purple and green theme? I think that's better...but im not here to tell you how do be gay. No sir. Not me.

Im also, believe it or not, a big "dont be so homophobic you idiot" sort of guy. I think a lot of times people have these uncomfortable feelings towards homosexuals, more so in men, because they are not confident of their own masculinity. I know that is true with many of my friends. Your not gay, the other guy is gay, why cant we all just be friends?

I guess it is sort of uncomfortable to be hit on by another guy...

Well perhaps I will get into that in a later post.

This one time I was in a coffee house called Javas and I was with my two close friends, JJ and Phil, and we are all straight kind of guys. We were talking to a big crowd of artsy, coffee drinking, philosophy addicted, radical, life changing, cool, cloudy kind of people. JJ was making these paper flowers out of news paper. I muts admit, they were pretty cool looking. He might of been showing off but they were pretty darn cool looking.

A friend of mine walked in and we said hello and she went to sit with her respected crowd of cool artsy, stylish, and loud friends. One of these loud friends from my friends table was obviously gay. You could tell my the remarks, and the hair, and the voice, you know, that gay thing was certianly going on. So my friend made this special newspaper flower just for him. Then he stepped right up to him and gave it to him.

It was a beautiful moment.

Gay people have wonderful smiles. JJ has a pretty nice smile as well. All these smiles.

Why can't we have more smiles?

I hope I don't judge them unrightfully, I am getting better in these sort of dealings.

Well

I should get going.

These opinions are not solidified and could change and improve and be denied and be argued and discussed at any moment in time. Im open for discussion and debate. Especially through this whole facebook message thing or email.

Aight much love my family

Thank you for reading

-j

Freestyle

ok...its freestyle poem time
I only have 3 minutes..so here I go..

A goose drawn figure, alone in literature
Mistaken for love so it took flight into the glow
Left her alone, quiet but not still
Unrest is not so pleasent

No shiny white Hosea arose I fear
To sweep a harlot of her feet
The gentle wind was taunting, a scream
Life was not that easy

The trees never left the side of her bed
The sea never looked so divinely inviting
Worlds collide in her inside
Tomorow is another wind



ACK that was 4 minutes, sorry guys...gotta run, pc!!!!

Crooked Heart

'O stand, stand at the window
As the tears scald and start;
You shall love your crooked neighbour
With your crooked heart.'

It was late, late in the evening,
The lovers they were gone;
The clocks had ceased their chiming,
And the deep river ran on.

W.H. AUDEN, "As I Walked Out One Evening"

May God bless you with discomfort
At easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships
So that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger
At injustice, oppression and exploitation of people
So that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears
To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger, and war
So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them
And turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness
To believe that you can make a difference in the world,
So that you can do what others claim cannot be done
To bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.



This poem is a Franciscan Benediction found in Phillip Yancey’s book Prayer. I read it and I start burning inside. My heart boils over as I experience a holy anger at the complacence in my own life and in the Christian community. There must be more. This can’t be it…

We seem to easily forget, but Jesus invites us all into uncomfortable places. He invites us into places of pain, suffering and anger. He invites us into frustration and He awakens our heart so that we may begin to feel what He feels for this world.

When this happens, we have a choice; to harden our hearts or to pursue Christ. We can either make it about us again, continuing to chug along with a meaningless self-centred existence, or we can turn off the TV, get off the couch, kick our apathy, and start trying to do something, anything, that will bring about change.

It is in these moments that the baggage that we hold so tightly to and our desires for fame and fortune fade into obscurity. All of a sudden our future, our time, our talents, must be used to make a difference in this world. In one sense we are ruined, on another we have never being more alive.

In the midst of this moment, Jesus calls us to have the courage to sit with doubt, questions, and disappointment, and to wrestle with what it really means to follow Him. I would strongly argue that Jesus is disgusted with how much of our energy is actually spent outworking Christian culture, which looks so different from the Jesus culture of the gospels. I believe that Jesus is disinterested in our culture, but incredibly passionate about our hearts. And when it is our hearts that count, it doesn’t matter what we look like, or how we act, because Jesus will accept us as we are, meaning we can throw off the masks, empty rituals and fluff that we so easily heap on our Christian subculture.

So I encourage you to re-read the benediction and to make it a prayer. A personal moment with you and God, where you invite Him to bless you with discomfort, anger, tears, and foolishness to believe you can make a difference. That is, not to build our own little empire, but to build the Kingdom of God. Not to build our fame, but to build His.

And be warned, it is a wonderfully dangerous prayer to pray.
-Sam Harvey

"I'm glad God gave me knees, because when I'm on them praying, it just reinforces how much I need Him."

-Jeanette Sieber

Starling

Extremely old sycamore trees tend to be very hallow on the inside. Mass numbers of starlings can nest inside these trees. The sound of them coming up out of the tree every morning has been compared to thunder or a train or lightning.

Faithful

Here is a trustworthy saying:
If we died with him,
we will also live with him;
if we endure,
we will also reign with him.
If we disown him,
he will also disown us;
if we are faithless,
he will remain faithful,
for he cannot disown himself.

-2 timothy 2:11-13

fly by me

fly by me fast
alone, alive, and synchronized
be me the one to see
chronically

faces fade always
its true with eyes two, inside
poised and ready and let go
atrocity

hold: its heat
burns, breaks; an intake
quenches pain; sustains
belligerency

inside attempt lost
wishful thinking. cute
came knew left how shows
interdependence

Lets see

Oh man, it’s been one of those weeks. But were not going to talk about that. I just wanted to post for the sake of sharing very airy, impersonal thoughts on life, not particularly my life though.

Let’s talk about a different life. The life of Jesus. Whats up with this guy? What was he talking about? Does anyone care to know? Anyone care to find out? I dare you to get messy, ask questions, and defy commonalities. Sorry, sometimes I make up words, commonalities probably isn’t a word. How about, defy the norm or defy conformity, something of that nature.

Im still trying to grasp the idea of Jesus, I will always be trying in a way, and always be content in another way. There are some things with Christianity I doubt and some things I am very, very certain about. Certain because they are undeniably true, indeed these things simple are. They just are. I am often attempting to accept them as true. But these things are true and the whole thing in life is just accepting them.

Just accepting Him

So I suppose I could say that in my inner man, I know Jesus is real and alive inside of me. I think its true beyond a shadow of a doubt, yet my mortal attitude questions it, the influences of the world try to disprove it, and my carnal soul often falls prey to lies, idolatry, and stupidity. Yet every one of my questions get answered, but not in this mortal format im used to. Not this answer format that school has taught me, or that organized religion has even taught me. It’s nothing close to being formulaic. It’s the other stuff, the other answers, you could say the universal answers, or the conscientious answers, or, shoot, the universally conscientious answers, and because they are universal like this I would call these answers more valid. Its the real stuff.

Verbal communication is such a small part of life, they say, what, it makes up 10 percent of communication? Yet we go and demand our answers in verbal or scripted forms. How foolish! What a contradiction that man falls into. We always fall into them, let me say, probably everyday.

So we seek our answers, answers to life, God, justice, peace, war, relationships, we seeks answers to all these things in a verbal way, but this is silly, seeking verbal answers is simply foolish. What about the deaf and mute and blind? Try communicating to them verbally and its a different story, they read you differently. God can communicate clearly verbally and non verbally.

Well, coming along now, I would say that every question I honestly put out to God is answered, undeniably, but also in a way that is special and unique to me. God speaks to me in my language. How beautiful.

He speaks to me in almost seemingly inhuman ways, but really the ways he speaks to me are utterly human. He speaks to me with hope, with peace, with strength, with wisdom, with people, through people, with intuition, yes, and even with words and script. A quite reliable and amazing script I do say, one we call the Bible.

If this seems foreign, or eastern, or wacky, or unscientific then change your thinking.

This relationship that God has with us is not unlike relationships many humans have with one another. Parents teach and talk to their children and an individual level. Their love for each child is the same but it is expressed in different ways. Likewise we humans each receive different talents, gifts, blessings from God; we just have to trust that God knows best. Trust and faith are key elements in our life walks. Good school teachers also will teach and interact with their students in special and unique ways as well, treating each student a little differently depending on their most effective learning style.

Depending on their most effective learning style.

If you think about your own circles, your own friends, you will see that you yourself treat them differently. Its not a question of love, its a question of individuality. I would say that many of our relationships are based upon things such as hope, peace, strength, wisdom, and more seemingly strange forms of communication.

So, I would say in conclusion that questioning is good. Very good. But get ready for your questions to be answered in a way that is uncomfortable for us, a way that is not as clear cut as we would like and maybe a form that is completely detestable in our minds but completely adorable in our souls. Even so, be as ready as you want to be, if your not looking for these answers then your questions probably will not get answered. Look to the Bible for every answer, talk to God, and communicate with him. Bring questions before reliable sources.

I just heard a great brother say, "Do you think that God that created communication doesn't know how to communicate with us?" How dare we think that. He is more then able, He is God and can be your God.

So...

ask questions

look and be aware of the answers

expect to see them





Im telling you, im a different person when im low on sleep.



all in all: bleh

life-life-life

yes-yes-yes
never all the best
wish upon a star
and stand out from the rest

good-ness-no
it cannot be so
everything is curvy
we cannot find a flow

its-all-gone
finished not for long
bundle up emotions
and write a little song

en-joy hope
loneliness can cope
no one left it helpless
extend the end of rope

just-for-you
believe because its true
as long as somethings breathing
we find it white and blue

long-for-love
it reigns alone above
stop to seek creating
and wear a perfect glove

wrap-it-tight
it wont put up a fight
our several mistakes made
are taken up in flight

die-die-die
find life in Adonai
the only way to make it
is through self sacrifice

they are not

they just are

WOR(L)D

A man from Congo, a little boy outside his home in Baghdad, and women from Afganistan.

Fortune Cookie Faith

“Don’t have too complicated a mind,” he said. “Think in ten-word sentences.”

~Donald Lau

Although this was said by a man who created the little sayings in fortune cookies, I think it has vast amounts of truth it. Honestly, I think a lot of those fortune cookies are pretty cool and deep.



Anyways, back to the original quote. Don’t have a complicated mind. Although this fortune cookie maker was obviously reffering to women, but we can all learn from it. I think having a complicated mind may not be the best way to live out life. The Bible talks about child like faith.

Here is another quote to ponder (Miss u L!)


"I am not young enough to know everything"

~Oscar Wilde


If we can sit on that for a while. Child like faith.

Here are two places the Bible talks about children...

And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
~Matthew 18:3-4

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
~Matthew 19:14

Let that roll around your head a little bit. This innocence that children posses. Thinking in a simple way. Taking the world back to the basics. Life’s essentials. What this life all about.

So, im not going to reach any conclusion. Im taking a new approach to blogging - an open ended approach. This is an approach I don’t fully believe in, so if you have questions feel free ask me, e-mail me, comment, anything.

The Bible also says
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry..
James 1:19

Quick to listen, slow to speak. I think this is commonly contrary to the way many people think and act. But I think it’s quite valuable. The whole idea is valuable.

So, im not going to reach any conclusion. I could easily come to a couple conclusions but im going to leave it open ended, it’s an experimental way of blogging for me. Hands off, let the reader to the thinking. Its sort of hard..

If you have any questions always feel free to hit me up, e-mail me, comment - any form of communication that is verbal or scripted.



luv

-j

sight

please, make me believe said no eyes

i cannot said sight

~Float float, said the man~

~This world enjoys failure~

~Its a truth that is latent~

~While the man told me to float~

Brief Quotation in Review

As long as I consider my personal temperament and think about what I am fitted for, I shall never hear the call of God.

But when I am brought into relationship with God, I am in the condition the Isaiah was in.

Isaiah's soul was so attuned to God by the tremendous crisis he had gone through that he recorded the call of God to his amazed soul.

The majority of us have no ear for anything but ourselves, we cannot hear a thing God says.

To be brought into the zone of the call of God is to be profoundly altered.


-Oswald Chambers




(Don't mind the title...)

Selfish

I think I need to work on being selfish. I think, often, that I am just the most selfish thing on the face of this grimy earth. Now please, don't try to argue with me on this one. A conviction is not a conviction if someone trys to convice one otherwise. I suppose this is not a real conviction, more like something that always needs to be worked on; a never ending work in progress. Sort of like Rochester, always construction, or a up and coming University, always some tore up side walk and a new building.
Yeah, im like a up and coming University.

Up and coming...look out.

So, in conclusion,

God help me with my selfish soul.

-_-

In other less moral news I did not do anything acedemic this entire weekend and I need someone to slap my wrist for that.

In other even less moral news the world outside of America is depsressing and needs lots of help.

In other less moral news human beings in general are currupt and need a savior.

In other... see, I am really trying to think of something to say that does not involve some sort of "personalized" set of standards, some sort of "individualistic" morals, but, I can't homie, I just can't. The fact that I can't maybe, in a small way, proves that there is no such thing as "personal" morals but one large standard that is written on the hearts of every human being. this is touchy and I won't get into detial, but CS Lewis's book Mere Christianity discusses it.

Again, touchy, but sometimes I think about it and it makes sense. =/

No personal morals only personal deviance from a greater standard.

How does it sound? I feel like im offending people...but I dont mind
=D

kuz why???

Yeah...thats why silly blind man, thats why.

Here is some news that involves no personal opinion what-so-ever, no personal beliefs, no individual opinion, this is free from all that, this is the bottom line...

everyone (including me) is broken, empty, and jaded in their own way and needs Jesus to come into their lives to fill our gaps, renew our strength, and purify our filthy bodys.

anddd thats fact =P

PS - So much, so much more...

Cats

I love studio Ghibli films. Hayao Miyazaki is a genius, no way around it. Anything he puts out I fall in love with, or maybe it is an intense form of "like". Well, he is good---real good.

Heres a short plot summary of a 15 minute movie he made called "Mizugumo Monmon".

Monmon, a water spider, one day meets a pond skater girl. Monmon falls in love with her. Will his love be ever fulfilled?

Come on! Amazing!

But my favorite movie by Ghibli is called The Cat Returns. I know just about every word to this movie. I know, this is a strange side of me that not alot of people know about. Heres some quotes from the the movie.


Haru: ... Moo-ta.
Muta: Moo? Are you saying Im a fat cow?
Haru: No! Youre just fat!

Baron: Always believe in yourself. Do this and no matter where you are, you will have nothing to fear.



You don't get much more amazing then that. If you don't believe me, go rent the movies.

life and its delinquencies

look and listen
you heavenly beings
a lost soul seeks not
yet constantly praying

lo and behold
it all came to naught
entrance takes faith
but not the thought

these people of earth
see beauty yet
its based on greed
and selfishness

too bad this place
is lost and cold
fitting precise
social molds

the tree is dead
the flower dry
hope is found only
in the night sky

the tree is dead
those stars unseen
ghosts of us
hurt and bleed

true and true
it never fails
the host of heaven
always prevails

too bad quite sad
a miserable scene
they fail to believe
in whats unseen

Sun and the Moon

Yo, mewithoutyou is a real real poetic band. They are amazing. Here is one of there songs called "Sun & the Moon" from there new album "Brother, Sister".


Daniel broke the king's decree,
Peter stepped from the ship to the sea
There was hope for Job like a cut down tree,
I only hope that there's such hope for me
dust be on my mind's conceptions
and anything I thought I knew
each word of my lips description,
and on all that I compare to You

the preference of the sun was
to the south side of the farm
I planted to the north in a terra-cotta pot
blind as I'd become, I used to wonder where you are
these days I can't find where you're not

mine's a yard, surface tending
foxes burrowed underground
my gardenings so self-recommended,
what could I have done but let you down?

the sun and the moon,
I want to see both worlds as One

mine's a story, dimly remembered
by the time it's told halfway true
of bad behavior well engendered
what good is each good thing we think we do?

find a friend and stay close and with a melting heart
tell them whatever you're most ashamed of
our parents have made so many mistakes,
but may we forgive them and forgive ourselves

the sun and the moon are my Father's eyes (x1,000)

dumb

dang people are dumb
dont read ppls blogs kuz ppl are dumb
then again
i must be the dumbest of them all
i sit her and blog about ppl who are dumb who blog
its like saying
people who eat cheesecake are dumb
and eating cheese cake while you say it
so in life
whenever i think someone is dumb
or not smart
i usually come to the conclusion
that i am dumber
or yet still
the dumbest

its so late/early that i hear alarms going off in other buildings

Lonely, lonely nights

I know, I know...
You’ve come to take me down.
I knew this would happen.

Relax,
Could it be you were meant for this?
Did you ever doubt it?

But if I cease to be,
What of all those lonely, lonely nights?
Your darkroom and your 8x10s?
And if I cease to be,
Who will you believe in anymore?
This world is such a bore.

Some lives
Have a way of colliding and blurring into headlines.
I’ve had
Dreams about this for years, you know.
(thought you would be taller.)

But if I cease to be,
What of all those lonely, lonely nights?
Your darkroom and your 8x10s?
And if I cease to be,
Who will you believe in anymore?
This world is such a bore.

Such a beautiful world,
What a beautiful lie.
Such a beautiful world,
What a beautiful lie.
Such a beautiful world,
What a beautiful,
A beautiful lie.

Maybe Im amazed at how real this is.
Thats why im not frightened.
Oh no, guess my times coming to an end.
You’ve taken your mask off.
Such a beautiful world,
What a beautiful lie.
Such a beautiful world,
What a beautiful lie.
Such a beautiful world,
What a beautiful,
A beautiful lie.

Earl King
prime New Orleans R&B artist from the 1950's/60's

Jude

24

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling,

And to present you faultless

Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,



25

To God our Savior,

Who alone is wise,

Be glory and majesty,

Dominion and power,

Both now and forever.

Amen.

I thought

I thought about this today.

I was reading first John, its a book in the Bible written by a guy named John. John was one of Jesus's 12 homies.

Well, I was reading the first chapter. It said that Jesus had no sin. It also said that the one who has Jesus inside of him does not commit sin.
But then I thought, come on Bible, we all sin. According to God's holy standards we all do sin and we are all going to hell.
Jesus also changed that of course, coming, doing that whole act of sacrifical love by dying on the cross and such.

So I thought, come on, we all sin.

So I wondered, who then actually has Jesus inside of them?

Then I thought, well goodness, ask and you shall recieve right, so we do have Jesus inside of us.

Then why do we sin? If we have a sinless Jesus inside of us, and those who love Jesus do not sin, then why do I sin?

Then I thought, no, wait John (me), you sin because although Jesus is inside of you, you just choose not to surrender those aspects of your life that you struggle with to Him.

I think surrendering those aspects to Him, somehow putting them in His hands, is how you Jesus becomes alive in you.

So I thought of Jesus for sure being inside of all of us who ask, but being trapped in some hearts, and free in other hearts.

It does make sense that if you allow a sinless Jesus to take control of your heart that you won't sin, that seems logical. He doesen't sin, so with him at the wheel, you don't sin. Makes sense.

This lead to yet another thought. If I do have Jesus in my heart, but I do not surrender to him my sinful acts, will I enter into heaven?

The Bible says those who fail to acknowledge God, God will in turn not acknowledge you when you go to heaven. That was a scary thought.

All who ask Jesus to come into their hearts with their mouths and believe Jesus is Lord are saved and they do have Jesus inside of them.

Yet if they choose not to acknowledge him they could still fail to enter into heaven.

If you are sinning, like continually, and you fail to surrender that sin to a sinless God, then failing to do so is a act of not acknowledging God. Like denying God's existance inside of you.

And though it is true you ask and you shall recieve, in the same principle you reap what you sow, and not acknowledging that you have a living and pure God living inside of you will lead you to Hell.

Also, don't go saying you are saved, you have Jesus, and then saying you don't believe in heaven or hell. Come one now.

a well balenced "gully" evening

Knamean

By John Barnabas Lake

Inspired by true events and the urban lifestyle that influences so many susceptible youth of this world.

Co-written by John's ghetto alter ego "JQ Skrilla aka So Hood aka Razzle J aka L'angsta aka JL the Kid-izzle who does not Mess-izzle a-rizzle" etc

Ok, this is my night homie, this what I plan to do after like typing on this computer knamean, kuz, I am more then just a typer, feel me, so, im about to get some food, probably a salad and maybe like some pizza, kuz I gotta stay healthy and fat, knamean, then some homework, probably like some sociology and some statistics knamean, and then like some phone calls knamean, knamean homes', then like maybe a little chillen, some star gazin, knamean, gotta stay poetically inspired, knamean, you knowwhatimsaying homie, then maybe I will write some fiction story about like the meaning of grass, knamean, gotta stay creative and innovative knamean, grass is deep feel me, then I might write a short symphony kuz, knamean, love that music stuff, knamean, then I might break some branches of trees, knamean, gotta keep my edge knamean, gotta stay tough n rough, knamean, gotta stay brolick n gully, feel me baby G, gotta maintain that with some branch breaking, knowwhatimsaying, then I will probably go to sleep, after like brushing my teeth like 4 times, kuz, knamean, gotta stay fresh n clean, knowwhatimsaying, hear me G, then I will most def sleep, after reading some fiction, some truth, and some non-fiction, knowwhatimsaying, gotta stay educated and spiritually filled, feel me, then I will grab like my teddy bear knamean, gotta stay sensitive, knamean, then I will close my eyes and sleep, knamean, peacefully knamean, without snoring, knamean, and wake up in the morning feeling alive and ready to face the day, knowwhatimsaying, you feel me, then, I will go to class, and this cycle might start again on the next night knamean, its life, on the reg, just staying as gull as possible knamean.

knamean


John would like to make note that his writing skills, i.e. his sentence structure is strongly influenced by his education in the urban city of Rochester New York where students get murdered (highest homicide rate in NY), and teachers get fired for financial reasons (20 million gap in 2003), and children dropout (about one in two children), and experience other things like pregnancy and fatherless and/or motherless family structures.

John is too blood though, he can make it on the streets, he just has to do what he has to do, aint no one gona stop him, shoot, knamean, he is blood, he is so hood, knamean, he aint takin no advice from no one, knamean, kuz he got this, feel me, he got this under wraps, knamean, hustlin is a way a life, knamean, get rich or die trying, knamean, but he gona make it, aight, signing out, be easy

knamean

Yes

i do not have a car but i dont feel the pain
i walk real slow in the snow and the rain
to chicago and wells and i step on the train
everybody's loud, im lost in the crowd
97 people i know not one name
i look out the window, my thoughts unrestrained
God, its rather plain what i want in this life
to rap with my kids and swing dance with my wife

-tapwater, "passion"






And into every state, every country of late
No matter where you go, we all chase the same fate
Slated from failure, plated for jail
Hell is waiting, ride inside
Seven-Eleven to trail yeah
Home, I need a real home to rest
Cause I'm sick of slipping in the darkness

-pigeon john, "draw me closer"

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T h e r a i n h e l p e d . . .
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celestial

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun.
-W.H. Auden, "Song"

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This is thy hour O soul, thy free flight into the wordless,
Away from the books, away from the art, the day erased, the lesson learned
Thee fully forth emerging, silent, gazing, pondering thethemes thou lovest best,
Night, sleep, death and the stars.
-Walt Whitman, "A Clear Midnight"

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My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
-William Shakespeare, "Sonnet 130"

My own lake

pic

no one likes a girl with a short skirt,

better fix that ladys, get it right

nice emotional picture though

L word

Let love be without hypocrisy.

Let love be genuine.

Let love be without dissimulation.

Let love be sincere.

Let love be unfeigned.

Let love be honest and true.

Let love be real.


Love conquers all.

Love never fails.

(from Romans 12 and 1 Cor 13, Bible)

I'M A CHRISTIAN..AND I'M PROUD TO SAY IT!!

oh no

If, if you are a christian, and if you have a facebook, and you want to get depressed, just look at that website. I dont even know where to start. They all need Jesus.

It is truly depressing...especially the discussion board.

In case someone who is not saved decides to look at that site, just remember, those guys are crazy. If you got questions ask some one who is legit.

"I'M A CHRISTIAN..AND I'M PROUD TO SAY IT!!"

ug

goodness

Well,

Another Sat. has come and gone. Its been gone for about 4 hours. So, in other words, its 4 in the morning. I hate this, how do I stay up so late? What do I do? I don't even do anything. I just sit around. Im so lazy.

Well, I did go to "Kelly Cafe" and bought some cerial (6 bucks), a protien shake (4 bucks), a bag of baked chips (2 dollars) and some chicken. The chicken was cheap. But it was fried.

Well, after buying that and sitting down and eating with a friend of mine I headed back to the dorm. My friend, the one who ate with me, turned the big TV on that is found in the lounge area. He flipped passes the movie Hero and I told him to stop. We watched for a while, he got biored and went to bed, I should of went to bed but, man, I stayed up and watched it. It was at the end, but it took forever to finish because of all these dumb comercials.

I like Hero. I think I like it because I dont have to think to watch it. Most movies, even good movies, I just tend to overthink them and I dont enjoy them. I dont mind this so much. But with Hero, something about it, makes me stop thinking. I just watch and accept everything im watching.

Maybe not that perfectly. I do think "Why the heck are they dipping their swords in the water?", "Why are they walking on water?", "Why are they still talking?", and other questions. But I can quickly dismiss this questions of disbelief and look at the movie as a complete work of art. Every odd thing that occurs in the movie I dismiss as odd and accept as art.

Thats the only way I enjoy that movie. It may be the closest thing to a chick flick that I will watch. I think it comes pretty close. I duno.

In other news, I washed my hair with shampoo today and NO conditioner. Yeah, crazy. It wasent too bad though. I did it by choice. Well, I guess I have to experiement more before I say whats what. I will keep you updated.

Yeah right I wont keep you updated about something like shampoo. I think I only wanted to bring up those two things, the movie and the shampoo, because they were so menial. So pety. They were almost so small and insignificant that I wanted to say them.

Ok, I gotta go to bed. For a good time go to this site. Some hot songs.

K, one love er' body

Understand

You should never judge what you do not understand.

D' Millah!

How about that scrappy guy Donold Miller, eh? Something else

Here is a quote from Blue Like Jazz...

"The magical proposition of the gospel, once free from the clasps of fairy tale, was very adult t me, very gritty like something from Hemingway or Steinbeck, like something with copious amounts of sex and blood. Christian spirituality was not a children’s story. It wasn't cute or neat. It was mystical and odd and clean, and it was reaching into dirty. There was wonder in it and enchantment."

Nice thought, very nice.
D. Miller is sick. He is "nasty" as some would say. Keep reppin the hood D' Miller, let em know where your from baby.

(just in case Mr. Miller is from the hood)

Well, I like that thought. I was just talking to a friend who is going to a Christian school and she is required to read all of the Old Testament before the end of the first semester. That’s a big task I thought. She has been finishing up that book of Genesis and has told me that she was shocked to see some of the gut retching stuff in there. Lots of nasty crap in the Bible though, isn’t there. In genesis we got that pre-Sodom destruction story with the angels chillen and the daughters, I mean, that’s crazy stuff. That was a real man with a real dilemma. Goodness. Well then we got the fourth man to walk the earth murdering, a massive flood killing women and children, Abrams little maidservant stint, the selling of a birth right, you know, trickery, fear, rebellion, discontent, I mean the list can go on and on.

Has your preacher, or your pastor, or your bishop, you know that real religious guy in your church building, has he/she ever read that list of Bible people that were horrible flawed but did big things for God? Well, the Bible is full of them. The man after Gods own heart (God help me get there) murdered a guy and had some fun with his wife. Paul killed homies like you and me! tax collectors, cheaters, killers, just lots of weird people in the Bible that God has used in spite of themselves.

So, I hope we all get to a place where God doesn’t have to use us despite of ms. I hope we get to a place where God can use us and we can truly be blameless before him and before men. That’d be sick, attaining that may take a lifetime, and so be it.

winter home unfinished
tea is invisible
strong river cloud tea
heart pearl

Thats what my mug says, and your mug might say that too if we have the same mug. Its a mug I bought in china town. It has a lid and a filter thing but, sadly, i dont use them. I only use the main mug.

The main mug.

Well it has these chinese characters on the side of it. So I asked my roomate, who was born in China and is mad cool, what it said and he tried to tell me, but he said it was in cursive so it was hard. All I got was this rough translation, but I thought it was odd and poetic enough to be worth something.

I will post again soon, have no fear and no doubt about that..

Wait, lets see it one mroe time


winter home unfinished
tea is invisible
strong river cloud tea
heart pearl

oh man, thats great.

Post

I have just kinda felt the need to post recently. So, im going on instinct here.

I usually dont like posting just for the sake of posting but this will be an exeption. So, it might be boring and random. Just know, that im posting for you. yeaahh...thats it. Im doing it for you!

Life has been good. I have been, secretly, getting into a little bit of old blues/pre-funk sort of stuff. I have really just looked at this one guy Johnny "guitar" Watson and some of his songs and his lyrics. Funny guy. Kinda a forerunner for rap music, for computer music, for white-pop musicians, and for Jimi Hendrix. It is said, and really proven, that he was doing a lot of the moves that Hendrix was doing before Hendrix. Hendrix also covered his song "Gangster of Love". Now, that song title alone is hilarious when you think about it today’s context, I mean, that is just great. Gangsters are more or less looked upon as morally, you know, corrupt people. But a gangster of love, that just confuses me. Then the lyrics are really funny. I would post the lyrics on here, but, i duno they are kinda degrading. One part he says he roped 65 girls and kissed them all at the same time and he like stole a beauty contests first place winner and stuff.

So, Johnny "guitar" Watson is actually being a gangster of love. Or of something he calls love. Im not going to turn this into a song about the meaning of love, but his definition is clearly misguiding.

Um, yeah, just wanted to share with you guys that this guy is funny. Sorry, i know, its boring. Here is a better song that he did. Its not original, i think a guy named Earl King wrote and performed it. Im pretty sure. Well, its called "Those Lonely Lonely Nights" Its deep...

There’s been some lonely, lonely nights
Baby yeah since you been gone
Lay my head on my pillow
How I cry all night long

The things you used to say to me
I thought that we would never part
Yes you know that I love you
Why did you break my heart?

If you would only come back home
And let me take you in my arms
Yes you know Id be happy
I wouldn’t be so all alone

Its been dark since you’ve been gone
Baby please bring back the lights
Baby please come back home
And free me from these lonely nights

Yeah, way better then these modern love songs. Sappy, dangerously sappy. Ok, maybe i have had to much time on my hands doing all this stuff, but i think its interesting. Goodness.

Alright! Be good dear reader and live life selflessly.

OK

OK, im going to write about college.

College is nice. At first the freshmen and the upperclassmen volunteers are the only ones on the campus. Life is pretty boring. Freshman are pretty boring. And the volunteers have a "high caste" kind of attitude with you because, shoot, they can. But freshmen are very easy to meet and to smile at and talk to and become close close friends with for about an hour until the next day when you forget their names and they don't care much for you. Maybe its not quite like that, but people these freshmen kids are very uneasy and all miss their parents and are just begging for some form of acceptance. Well, some of them are, others are just fine. They are just fine in their little social bubbles wobbling around with their flip-flops and their fat sun glasses and whispering little secrets about this new college life. So, you have a combination of lonely students and students in bubbles. Their are more categories then that of course, those are just the ones I feel like talking about.
Teachers are nice for the most part. Its not in high school where the teachers can scream at you and yell and throw things and cuss and spit in your face and not be in any sort of jeopardy of losing their jobs. These teachers actually have a obligation to be nice to you and make sure you learn and are treated fairly. Im not sure which one I prefer for college, while of more value, is stale and impersonal and artificial. While high school is bad for other reasons. But teachers and students have to be in some sort of conflict in order for things to go on smoothly, that's what I learned in sociology class. I also learned that any religion is ok to pick, the impairer thing is just picking one. So, I think I will pick a radical religion that involves killing people of other religions because, shoot, sounds fun.

You know what, I think im not in a good mood to discuss these matters logically. So kind of use some wisdom and disregard lots of what I said until I present in a better way, k? Thanks

christian

If you are a christian I would strongly encourage you to act like one. You do not understand what I just said. Strongly encourage you to act like one. Strongly encourage. Maybe implore would be a better word. Strongly implore.

You know those famous amos cookies? Those ones you eat. There is a guy, wally amos, who made them and he is real. He is alive today, he lives on a island, he is american. He also makes muffins. Yeah, no joke, muffins. I know, I know muffins. He also gives money to like charities that help people read. Great stuff. Cookies and reading.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.

Yeah...

I just wrote a nice long blog then I tried to spell check it and it all got erased. Kind of sad.

Yeah...

Sad. I think more with out a doubt it is sad then with some doubts.

Yeah...

School is kind of nice. My friends are nice. I think, one day, they will all love Jesus.

Yeah...

Soon im going to make a big rocket ship and just fly it to a close mountain. I would not fly it to a far away mountain because, goodness, thats a lot of rocket gas. If car gas is the price it is you can imagine the price of rocket gas. Yeah, stay away from rocket gas if you can. So, I would go to a mountain that is close and enjoy the cold peaks and the goats and clouds. You see, many mountains are so tall that they are above the clouds, so although you think you would have a great view from way up there all you really see are cloud. Anyways, I would enjoy the sight of goats and clouds and probably enjoy some mountain berry's because I can not pass them up. After nearly passing out because the air way up high is sort of thinner then the air down here, I would fly back to home. Then I would sell my rocket on eBay and the money I get would help pay off my college loan. Sweet, paying off college loans has got to be sweet. Not a lot of things make me say sweet.

Yeah...

So, I am going to have to write in this blog of mine more. Especially since I am away at school, well away at college, well they call it a university really guys.

So...

Yeah...

goodnight

Misery

Ah misery,

It’s called misery

I never knew its name

Till it was a friend to me

I new the day would come

Alas it came indeed

Who imagined this pair

Misery and me

It came and sat

In my own bedroom

A face ugly yet

I became its groom

Misery

Became a chum

Using reality

To bathe my glum

It shook me out

The dust flew away

Never to return

Till an ignorant day

Oh now I know

What I will leave behind

Amazing friends

Such golden finds!

Thanks to misery

Naught is foregone

It‘s all brand new

While I am gone

Oh worrisome woe

Oh woe is me

That I must leave my friends

Deliberately

Misery will

come along my side

To help me live

Life open eyed

Each day that comes

That im away

Will be walked out

With misery to stay

Death

Driving up, they knew what had happened. They all knew.

He pulled up to the side of the road but could not get out of the car. He just gripped the steering wheel and looked into nothing. They all felt an obvious emptiness. The one that sat next to him got out of the car slowly and tried to approach the two but ended up walking in a fickle circle and pulling his thick hair nervously. The girl sat on the curb burying her face in her knees and held her knees tightly with her arms. The other lied on his back and squeezed his two hands flat against his face.

Death.

All their faces were wet with tears. The one in the car closed his sleepy eyes slowly, bit his lip, and slightly shook his head. The one walking in circles stood still, looked into the sky, and cried silently. She pulled her hoody over her head to her chin and wept louder. Through her sobs they repeatedly heard the word why. The other took his hands from his face and squeezed the grass.

Disbelief.

They could all remember like it was yesterday. It was yesterday for some of them. It was so sudden and unexpected. They all could figure out ways to blame themselves, blame each other, and blame God. None of them could imagine living life with this loss. What a loss it was, an empty and unexplainable loss. Nothing one says can make it better. Words fail.

Change.

Nothing would be the same. Life would go on with an irrefutable and eternal void. Yet tomorrow would come nonetheless. They had to react. Their reaction to this loss is what would matter. The emptiness would not get filled but it can get reckoned with. What to do, where to go, when to start, many questions filled the individuals minds. He would not want them to cry, not for too long. That would be a waste of time. His death was something they had to deal with, they would deal with. His death was the signature at the end of his life-letter and they all had to send a reply.

Belief.

Now they had nothing except themselves and each other. No leader. No teacher. They could only imagine what he would do and attempt to do something close. His life was not coming back but they breathed daily. He was gone forever. Now they lived new lives, in a way. These individuals would always be themselves and always follow their own paths but now, half of their soul was committed to taking up the torch of a dead man. That half of their soul was a flaming half.

Truth.

Knowing what life really boils down to was a beautiful lesson that they learned from the wise man. Now silly little words would transform into frightening and bloody action. In an instant everything changed; entire lives, changed. They would now live life with a void caused by death and a commitment caused by one mere mans untainted character. The fact that one man could cause so much pain and loss only reaffirmed the significant mark he made on these four individuals. Never remaining the same, the four would fight for the tomorrow a dead man dreamed of. Now the man is asleep outside of time, outlived by his dedicated empty-filled children.

Dont like Christians

I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are nothing like your Christ.

Mahatma Ghandi

Bitter

In the desert I saw a creature, naked, bestial, who, squatting upon the ground, Held his heart in his hands, And ate of it. I said, "Is it good, friend?" "It is bitter -- bitter," he answered; "But I like it Because it is bitter, And because it is my heart."

- Stephen Crane, "III in The Black Riders and Other Tales"

Deep Thoughts

Marta says the interesting thing about fly fishing is that it's two lives connected by a thin strand. Come on, Marta. Grow up.

It's too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.

He was a comboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her she disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said "Dust to dust," some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others, "I'll be waiting for you in heaven - with a gun."

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell hi is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tried to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing?!

-Deep Thoughts

Do this

It’s so easy to get caught up in our every day lives, our everyday worlds

But they are not the world, they are self created

Ignorance is bliss and we seem to seek out ignorance in order to fulfill this bliss

I cannot blame all of you; it has been engrafted inside of you since you were young

The American dream is to become rich, have a nice car, nice family

These are all good things, but are we missing something?

Again, we seem to seek out ignorance in order to fulfill our happy lives

Our happy, glutinous, greedy lives

I don’t know, but it seems it would be more difficult for the suburbanites

Maybe they don’t see the homeless every day

Homeless men do not have a future; they have no money, not much near hope for them

Maybe in the suburbs you think every lawn caring woman is happy and has it together

They sure look happy with all that makeup they fluff onto their pasty faces

Maybe you pass through the city on the way to work

Maybe you even work in downtown Rochester; or your own respected downtown

I bet you’ve seen the homemade (but no home) signs; “Food”, a simple request, is it not?

This request does not even require you to learn his name

You don’t have to try to get him a place to stay that night

You don’t even got to shake his hand

You don’t even, necessarily; have to look him in his God given eyes

Just hand the human some food

But in your air conditioned car, with you windows up, your music on, you drive by

Is it that difficult?

Is the thought of yourself reaching out your hand; giving him those groceries too much?

No, you don’t want to look the homeless man in the eye, you drive by

It makes life easier for you to try to believe that there are not people who struggle

And it is easier, ignorance is bliss, but then again you saw the man, you saw the sign

Can you ignore it forever? Can you drive by forever? Will you conscience allow it?

I pray it does now allow it.

I pray that you believe, and think about these words, and about those struggling people

People like me are not rare, and these comparisons are not very rare either

I can show you books, and articles, and essays about this issue

About the odd way millionaires live in the same cities as poverty stricken individuals

This is not a new issue; the new issue is the condition of the real perpetrators hearts

I don’t pity the homeless man as much as I pity the man who fails to help him

Some of homeless men live happy, free, even, dare I say it, fulfilling lives

Some, on the other hand, are demon possessed-no joke (man law)

Regardless, they all need assistance, no doubt

But they will receive a certain amount of grace from our merciful God

You, on the hand, have homeless blood all over your pasty hands

I cannot say that a wealthy Christian will enter into heaven; I will never say this

(Jesus did not say this either, all things are possible but camels are large; needles small)

We serve a loving God but many people do not mention that we serve a God of wrath

We serve a jealous God

We serve a God who judges that nations, judges the heart; and we should fear God

The fear of the Lord is critical; you don’t have to be a Bible scholar to know that

Remember, Christian people, that Jesus preached a life-giving, life-sacrificing lifestyle

He told us to turn the other cheek, to love and pray for those who persecute us

He told us to not commit adultery and also not to lust

He told us to not murder and also not to hate

I believe self-inflicted ignorance is a form of hate, nay an expression of hate

It is hate in action, worse then hating someone with your words, hate incarnate

You are not blind, you act blind

You are not asleep, you act asleep

You people are just dumb

You people need to give up your entire lives to Christ

If I make this seem like its hard, it’s not that hard

Its only putting action into this book we call the Bible

The holy word of the Lord

It’s written in black and white, and sometimes red

If the book says to pray then pray

The books says to love unconditionally, love unconditionally

If the book says trample the devil under your foot, trample the devil under your dang foot

The book also says we serve a God that never leaves us nor forsakes us

We serve a God that does desire to bless us, bless us in his loving best interests

He wants us to have every good thing, read Philemon verse 6, and really read that crap

It’s not a time to awake; it’s a time to get out of bed

It’s not a time to receive sight; it’s a time to put your glasses on, refocus

Be lead by the Holy Spirit; ask him to guide you in your everyday life

Act upon all those things and all those other things that you know you must do

Do them, action, action, action, look people in the eyes!

Oh Lord I live among gluttons

Oh Lord I live among the greedy

Oh Lord I live among worldly people

It’s nothing new though, I will always serve you

Help me to endure, help me to be strong, help me to never give up

Thank you God for being faithful and just

Just, the Lord loves justice, what is justice?

Justice is reaching your hand out, justice is caring, justice is fair

Justice requires action and it requires strength

We can do this, it is far from beyond us, it is not amazingly hard

It requires some selflessness and some unity

We can do this

Let’s love the Lord God with all our hearts, all our minds, all our souls, all our strength

Then let’s love our neighbors as we love ourselves

And we love ourselves way too much to begin with

Let’s honor one another above ourselves, go beyond, live in harmony with one another

Let’s love the Lord God with all our strength, all the strength we posses

All our strength

We can do this

Do it

Jesus is Lord.

Yourself

Its all in the attitude
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Be who you want to be
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Express your
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"I'll take a green tea. Hot," Danger Mouse (born Brian Burton) says, slumping down into a couch in the Atlantic Records offices. Green looks up: "Orange juice." The Atlantic Records guy who's offered to run down to the deli looks unsure, so they try to make it easy on him. "Wait, I'll take a Vitamin Water," says Mouse, holding up a half-empty bottle on the table in front of him. "Yeah, me too. Formula 50, that sounds good," says Green.

Another interview over, Burton takes a sip of his Vitamin Water, which is actually fruit punch. "This tastes baaad," he declares, closing the bottle up and throwing it on the carpet. He stares at it for a second, before picking it up and putting it back on the table. "I just wanted to do something that I thought a rock star would do," he says, a little embarrassed.

Truth in the form of my brother

Heart on Fire

A battle won is a battle which we will not acknowledge to be lost.

In whatever position you find yourself determine first your objective.

It takes 15,000 casualties to train a major general.

My center is giving way, my right is in retreat; situation excellent. I shall attack.

No study is possible on the battlefield.

The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire.

The power to command has never meant the power to remain mysterious.

The will to conquer is the first condition of victory.

-Ferdinand Foch

(French, WW2)

Faith

Receiving Christ involves turning to God from self (repentance) and trusting Christ to come into our lives to forgive our sins and to make us what He wants us to be.

Just to agree intellectually that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and that He died on the cross for our sins is not enough.

Nor is it enough to have an emotional experience.

We receive Jesus Christ by faith, as an act of the will.

I am very courageous

Go Here, PLEASE

Hello one and all.

Please Check out my Little brothers website www.sendpete.com

this is a rough version of the website but we had to throw it up because our websire creator-guy ran off on vacation for 10 days. So in 10 days we can fix all the grammerical errors.

Support my man.

Also, if you give him an idea or a design concept, or maybe a detailed request, he can probably draw it on a shirt. He can also surpise you. He has lots of clouds and hearts and this's and that's. So, be creative. Order em up !!

Thank you all!

www.sendpete.com

Heck Yes

I purchase ties and mugs at thrift stores.

heck yes

all up in that

over and over

dont stop

Wang Wei

Sitting in mystic bamboo grove, back unseen
Press stops of long whistle
Deep forest unpierced by man
Moon and I face each other.

Sitting alone, hid in bamboo
Plucking the lute and gravely whistling
People wouldn't know that deep woods
Can be this bright in the moon.

Sitting alone in recluse bamboo dark
I play a chi'in, settle into breath chants.

In these forests depths no ones knows
this moon come bathing me in light.



-Ancient (old) Chinese poet Wang Wei

Stolen

Thursday, March 23, 2006

My Neighbor Sean So my neighbor Sean is hillarious. He's nine, or ten, I'm not sure... The other day he runs up to my brother pete, while he's putting out the trash, and says "You know what I'm gonna do for halloween? I'm going to wear a white t-shirt, and spray paint it red so it looks all bloody, then on the back I'm going to write 'The Truth is Up There'". I mean, wow. I stole that whole thing from my brothers blog. Its so true. Please check out his blog and read his first entry, that is why I dont do myspace. Its so true. It speaks for me.

Photo's

"A mother visits her daughter who has been charged with the murder of her brother, although all evidence says she's innocent. Although the jail has been taken over by the US military, the system is particularly unfair to women, who sometimes sit in jail for months for minor offenses like quarrelling with men too close to a mosque."

from

aaaaaaahhhhhhhh...